Ep.49: Advent Reflection & Fertility

Welcome back to the Woven Well podcast! 

First of all, I wanted to take just a second to acknowledge that I have received several emails or texts from listeners over the past week or so with encouragement for what we’re doing on the podcast. It means so much to be that you would listen and then take the time to reach out to encourage me and show me support through your words. It’s a reminder to me of how important it is to encourage others for the everyday things they do, and I hope to be more intentional about sharing that with others, as well. 

On a formal note, if you want others to know how much you love the show, the best way to do that is through a written review on your podcasting platform of choice. If your platform doesn’t allow written reviews, hop over to Apple or Google and leave a written review there. People really do read those to help determine if this is the right place for them, and I’d love for them to feel welcomed. 

Okay, now let’s jump in to today’s episode, which is about the season of Advent. 

As we talk about each week, our show covers a topic that educates you while honoring the deep connection your fertility has with your faith. Sometimes it’s fertility focused and sometimes it’s faith focused, but I find that a lot of the time - there’s a little bit of both. 

It’s hard to talk about fertility without talking about faith. Maybe it doesn’t feel that way to you, but talking about fertility always stirs up something meaningful for me. And maybe that’s why I do this work vocationally! 

But I often find that the opposite can be true, too - that faith focused conversations can teach us something valuable about our fertility. And that’s what we’ve been talking about over the past few weeks on our instagram page @wovenfertility. 

Advent. 

You may attend a church that celebrates advent, or you may have never heard of it in your life. But it has something good and valuable to teach us about our spiritual lives, our physical lives, and even our fertility. 

First, let’s all get on the same playing field. What is advent exactly? 

If your first thought was one of those large box calendars that you poke through each day to get a piece of candy, you’re actually not as far off as you may think. Those advent calendars do mark the days of advent and they’ve become a commonly used way to introduce the concept to children. But it’s not about candy. 

Advent is actually about waiting. It’s a season, long held by the Christian church, in which we remember what it was like for our spiritual fathers and mothers to wait in faith for the birth of Jesus Christ, while actively waiting in faith and anticipation for his return ourselves. 

It is absolutely one of my favorite seasons of the Christian calendar for two reasons: 

First, it is so incredibly needed in my life, and maybe yours, too. This world, our world, is so incredibly busy. The expectations on modern humans is unbelievable. My pastor recently pondered what his great grandmother would think about the fact that we all have - basically robots - that wash our dishes and floors and clothes. She would wonder what we did all day with all that free time. And I loved that - because we fill it, don’t we? Whether it’s taking kids to piano practice, or working those extra shifts, or scrolling through social media, our time seems to get sucked away one day after another. One thing that unites us all is this American truth: we don’t have time. 

Advent says, forget all that. During this season, you wait. We wait. We stop the frantic shopping and planning and doing and working, and we practice stillness. It won’t be the world who stops those things - it will keep on going at the speed of light. But we Christians are invited to stop, and rest, and wait. 

This intentional time is so incredibly full of value. God has so much for us to find in the silence and stillness. 

The second reason it’s one of my favorite seasons is because of how connected it makes me feel to the church universal. There is not a single part of the Christian church that doesn’t practice some form of advent - at least as far as I know! Roman Catholics, Methodists, Eastern Orthodox, Episcopalians. Christians around the world have marked the importance of this time. Now, I will say that there are certainly many individual churches who may not choose to talk about or openly lead in advent devotionals or things during this time, but there is no Christian denomination who rejects it overall. 

To me, this is one of the most unifying seasons in Christianity. Not just in our current day, either - advent has been celebrated for thousands of years, dating back to the 4th and 5th century. 

By taking part in advent, not only are we connecting with our brothers and sisters in faith across the globe, we’re connected with them across time, as well. 

If it’s been meaningful and insightful for generation after generation of faithful Christians - then I believe it can be meaningful and insightful for us, too. 

So, we wait - together. 

We imagine what it was like to wait - desperately, maybe even impatiently - for the birth of Jesus. And we wait - actively, hopefully - for his return again one day. 

Of course, what it looks like to wait varies widely. There’s not a right or wrong way to practice advent, but I do think you gain something by practicing it with others. That may mean going to a particular Mass each week, reading an advent devotional with your spouse or roommates or family, lighting an advent wreath and singing a Christmas carol, setting aside time each day to sit in silence and stillness. You could change it up each week and do something different! There’s one thing in common, though: it’s intentional. 

And that intentionality extends into what we meditate on each week. 

If you’ve ever seen an advent wreath, you’ll see that there are 4 or 5 candles. 3 are purple, 1 pink, and if there’s a fifth, it’s usually white and larger than the others. 

The four candles that are always present represent the 4 Sundays of Advent, and they stand for Hope, Peace, Joy, and Love. 

Hope points us back to the prophet, Isaiah, who told foretold of the birth of Christ and the  many promises given to us throughout the Old Testament that would be fulfilled through Christ’s birth. There is no hope without the birth of Jesus. 

Peace reminds us that Jesus himself is the Prince of Peace. Not only did he bring a new understanding of peace with his physical entrance into the world, but he promises to bring total peace - shalom - when he returns. There is no peace without the birth of Jesus. 

Joy! This is the only candle of the four that’s a different color - the pink represents the liturgical color for joy, and it brings us back to the joy that must have been experienced by those who anticipated Jesus’ birth. Imagine how the shepherds felt as they learned the news. I’ve heard it a million times, how unheard of it was that shepherds would’ve been given such an honor, but it still gets me every time. To be discounted by the world but seen, trusted, honored by the living God…. True Joy. And there is no joy without the birth of Jesus. 

And finally, love. Because it was due to God’s great and everlasting love for us that He made the choice to send Jesus to be born and live and breathe and suffer and die and rise again. And it is because of God’s great love for us that Jesus will return again. It was all done because of love and in love and for love. There is no true love without the birth of Jesus. 

This may be about the time that you’re wondering why this is important to your fertility journey. Sure, it seems important! And it can play a meaningful role in our spiritual lives. But how does it impact fertility? 

You’re right that it’s not a tip or a treatment or a diagnosis. It doesn’t change your fertility. 

But it may change how you experience your fertility journey. 

There is hope - beyond the circumstances of your journey. 

There is peace - despite the circumstances of your journey. 

There is joy - abundant, surpassing the circumstances of your journey. 

And there is love - so much love for you - in the midst of your journey. 

Very, very, very few people have what they would consider the perfect fertility journey. (I’m not sure anyone does, but I’m not counting it out just to cover my bases.) There are physical pains and emotional struggles abounding when it comes to fertility. 

Maybe you’re not ovulating or menstruating and you’re struggling with not only the medical cause for this, but the emotional pain of feeling broken or maybe even un-feminine. 

You could be very healthy, but struggling with ways to intimately love and be loved by your spouse while avoiding pregnancy. 

Maybe you’re mourning the loss of a baby, or grieving the possibility of not having biological children. 

Pain can always seem to be found in our fertility stories. But pain does not exclude us from the promises of God. Suffering does not exclude us from the goodness of God. 

I’m not sure there’s any better demonstration of this fact than Jesus, the fulfillment of God’s promises, suffering himself. 

Whatever your story - whatever your fertility journey, even - God invites you to find rest in him. 

And advent reminds us to find that rest in waiting. 

It reminds us to be intentional to practice silence and stillness in the midst of that chaotic and painful journey… 

Because there is hope beyond your circumstances. Peace despite your pain. Joy that surpasses your story. And there is love - so much love - for you, as you are. 

Whether we participate in advent and practice these things is a choice, and it’s okay whichever you choose. But if you do participate, I believe there’s goodness to be found. And I’m excited to explore it with you. 

I’m going to close today with a prayer I posted on Instagram this week, from Henri Nouwen: 

Lord Jesus, Master of both light and darkness, send your

 upon our preparation for Christmas. 

We who have so much to do seek quiet spaces to hear Your voice each day.

We who are anxious over many things look forward to your coming among us. 

We who are blessed in so many ways long for the complete joy of Your Kingdom. 

We whose hearts are heavy seek the joy of Your presence. 

We are Your people, walking in darkness yet seeking the light. 

To You, we say, “Come, Lord Jesus!” 

Amen. 

As always, thanks for listening, as we continue to explore together what it means to be woven well.