Ep. 50: Client Story - Leslie (Honeymoon Baby)
Caitlin Estes:
Welcome to the Woven Well Podcast. I'm your host, Caitlin Estes. I'm a certified fertility care practitioner with a master divinity degree. Each episode will cover a topic that helps educate and empower you and your fertility while honoring the deep connection your fertility has with your faith. Let's get started.
Caitlin Estes:
Welcome back to the Woven Well Podcast. I believe that a part of empowering and educating women is to connect them with other women on the same journey. That's why we'll sometimes have episodes devoted to hearing the fertility journey of one of the women who are a part of woven. Whatever your situation or fertility goal, it can definitely sometimes feel isolating, but there is a whole community of women out there asking the same questions you are. That's why I'm excited to welcome Leslie to the podcast today. Leslie and her then fiance now husband, began learning Creighton right before their wedding back in 2019 and took home a surprise from their honeymoon. So Leslie has been so good to share her story with us today and all that that experience has taught her over the last few years. So, Leslie, thanks so much for joining us today.
Leslie:
I'm so excited to be here.
Caitlin Estes:
Yeah, me too. So let's just jump right into the elephant in the room. It is a huge fear of many couples that they would unintentionally conceive a honeymoon baby. And that was not your plan either, was it?
Leslie:
No, <laugh>, that was, I mean, it was truly my greatest fear, and I knew that birth control wasn't an option for me because I had been on it for, um, like a week <laugh> when I was first diagnosed with P C O S, and I was like, this is not for me <laugh>. So my husband and I, or fiance at the time, went back and forth between the copper i u d and a fam method, which we had just learned about, and we just didn't feel a peace about a foreign body in, in our, in my body. And so we reached out to you, and I know that many of your clients will know this, but at the beginning of your session you'll ask, where are you on a scale of one to 10 about if you had an unplanned pregnancy? And I was always a zero <laugh> when we first started working together because it really was, I really, we just wanted to adopt. I was so afraid of giving birth and all of how that happens. And so, yeah, that is how we started working together. And then I remember we got back from a honeymoon and I was like, well, I'm pregnant. <laugh> and panicked. Pregnant and panicked <laugh>.
Caitlin Estes:
Yeah. Well, I appreciate you sharing that and I also appreciate the fact that you all really did a lot of research into what the, the right method was for you and looked into options, talked together as a couple, because that's so important. So often it can feel like it's only up to the woman to decide, but I like that you said neither of you felt a peace about, for you all, you're looking into an I U D. Neither one of you felt a peace about that. And so you felt this permission to move into something else, which is great. And also sharing your great fear that you had related to pregnancy. And for you, you mentioned that it was specifically around the thought of giving birth that was just terrifying for you. And I'm glad you shared that because so many women have a different fear related to unplanned pregnancy. Sometimes it's they're finishing school and they're afraid of what that would do to school. Sometimes it is the fear of actually giving birth. Sometimes it's fears of complications during pregnancy. There's a wide variety, but it doesn't really matter what the reason is. It's just fair enough to say that whatever your reason is, you can be really wanting to avoid pregnancy and that is valid. So you've been charting now for several years and it's something you've become very passionate about. As you look back on that time, what do you think led to that conception?
Leslie:
Yeah, I mean, it's so interesting looking back at it because there were so many things that kind of fed into it. Yeah. So I was planning my own wedding, right? Which is stressful and in like four months. So that was very stressful. Yes. But we, you and I started working together probably
Caitlin Estes:
Six weeks
Leslie:
realistically like yeah, like two, yeah. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> six weeks. It was not a lot. <laugh>, not a lot of time. I think I had barely two cycles charted the day I got married. Yeah. And I, well, two and a half, well, one and a half actually, because I thought that I had already ovulated. And I hadn't obviously, and I, when we took, went on our honeymoon, I didn't see it this way at the time, but I was like, well, I've already ovulated so there's no need for me to chart. And, so I stopped charting. I stopped taking observations because we were waiting until we got married to have sex. And well, after we got married I was like, well, <laugh>, yeah, let's enjoy the, enjoy the blessings of marriage. But I thought I'd already ovulated. And I remember the morning after we got married, I woke up and I had gone to the bathroom and I noticed some very fertile mucus and I was very panicky, but then it was like, no, that's probably just seminal fluid, <laugh>. So there are a lot of things. You know, I mean there are a lot of things, that led to that. I think choosing not to chart, I think not even considering how stress would affect my ovulation. And then obviously discounting what I was observing as what I thought I was observing.
Caitlin Estes:
You know, just a moment ago, as you said in your, one of those initial follow-ups before your wedding, when we asked about your receptivity to an unplanned pregnancy, you were very unreceptive. In fact, the number starts at a one and you always said zero. And we had conversations about that. So your feelings were that strong at that moment. Was there a point in which that changed? Or were your feelings that strong on your honeymoon or?
Leslie:
Yeah, that's a really great question because I remember the, I think we had three sessions total because I, we were getting married, in such a short time. And the first two sessions it was a zero. And I remember the last one. It was like, I mean, maybe I'm like a one or a two. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And I remember thinking like, I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but there was something that had happened in mine and my husband's relationship before we got married where I had this like moment of, oh, I could have a child with him. And then I was like, oh gosh, what's happening <laugh>. And so I think the Lord started to open, like soften my heart towards that. But then, you know, I also had P C O S and was told that it would be very difficult for me to conceive. So I don't know how much of it was like, okay, you know, maybe I'm open to it, but it probably won't happen, you know? But I definitely did go from a zero to a one or two, you know, I did feel a little bit of change there.
Caitlin Estes:
I love that memory for you because I didn't remember the specifics, to be honest. I didn't remember the specifics, but I know that you had shared later that your heart had already started shifting by the time you found out you were pregnant. You were very stressed, but you had already begun experiencing a shift. And I love that that happened before conception happened. Yeah. Like you said that God was preparing you for that even before that time came. And you mentioned how involved God has been in this whole process when we've talked about this one-on-one. So I'd love for you to share what are some things that God showed you through this whole process of having an unexpected pregnancy?
Leslie:
I think what I learned the most, and this is retrospectively, is that my fear of getting pregnant unexpectedly was really a fear of being out of control. And, and I realize that a lot of the times I trust the Lord like 95% <laugh> like I do. I trust him in things that many people would be like, okay, that is too much for me. But I'm like, yeah, I trust him. But in having a baby, it was like, I don't know how I can trust you with that. And a lot of that comes from, I have severe medical anxiety. Like my friends laugh because if they're telling me a story, I'm like, okay, you can stop now. I'm about to pass out. Thank you so much, <laugh>. And so I was afraid that something would happen, you know, during birth that I wouldn't be able to control or I'd pass out or I mean, honestly, when you get pregnant, like you are, it, you're totally out of control. And I just realized like that God really had higher plans and higher ways and more insight into my life than I ever could have. And it's kind of how when my husband and I got married, I knew what he, what he was like, I knew that he was an answer to prayer. I knew that he was the things that I had been looking for. But then as we continued in our marriage, I realized he wasn't just what I wanted. He was also what I needed that I could have never known before. And I think that is also how I feel about this pregnancy. Because my son, his name is Miles is truly everything that I never knew I needed. You know, he, he has brought our family so much joy, so much peace, so much laughter in life. And I cannot, I, I mean people say this all the time, but I really cannot imagine my life without him. And it was the blessing that we didn't know we needed. And I, I wanna be very careful to say that because I know that this was my experience, you know, I was so scared and it's been such a blessing for me and it was what I needed. But also I realize that's not the case for everyone and that, that I don't wanna ever dismiss anyone's feelings about it. You know, because it is really, it, it is really scary, but looking back on it, it was the best thing that ever happened to us.
Caitlin Estes:
Mm-hmm. Well, and it sounds to me like you're not in any way trying to invalidate others' feelings or experiences, but you are simply testifying to God's faithfulness within your particular scenario, your particular life. Right. And that is worth sharing. You now share with lots of women about the importance of cycle charting and understanding their fertility. I imagine your story plays an important part in why you feel it's so critical for everyone to have the opportunity to understand. So what advice do you have for those who are strongly avoiding pregnancy?
Leslie:
Yeah. Oh gosh. It's such a, a cool thing to be able to share with people who have been kind of in your shoes and in your situation before. Right now, I think what I share the most is, is it is vitally important to work with an instructor, someone who's certified and educated and very experienced as quickly as possible. People ask me all the time, when, when should I start? And I'm like, when did you start menstruating <laugh> <laugh>? But really, I mean, a lot of people think you have to, you don't need to learn until you're engaged or you're about to get married. And I, I think that couldn't be farther from the truth. So the minute that you become aware of it, I would recommend working with an instructor. I also would <laugh> lesson learned chart what you see and not what you expect to see. I think sometimes even when we're like confident, you know, we're like, okay, I've been doing this for years. It's easy for us to, to discount, oh, this fertile type mucus and my luteal phase. Oh, that's just, you know, seminal fluid, or, oh, that's just my basic infertile pattern or whatever. But we have to look at it on its own merit, you know, and you talk a lot about that in your educating with, with your clients. And I think that is super important. And lastly, I think it's incredibly important to involve your spouse. As you said before, a lot of the times fertility, the burden is placed on female, but fertility is a couple, you know, the burden of fertility is placed on the couple. It takes two people. And I think sometimes if you are the only one as the female who's making the observations, right? If you're the only one that's, you know, thinking through this process in your head of, okay, is this fertile mucus or, or is this not? It can be really difficult to feel confident in what you're doing. It can feel difficult to feel confident in your decision, you know, based on yours and your spouse's intentions. And so just having that extra set of input has, is really valuable to say, you know, okay, this is what I experienced today and let's say your intention is to try to avoid, you know, and your, you say to your spouse like, this is what I saw today. These are my thoughts about it. What do you think about it? And then you make the decision together. And I think that's a really beautiful aspect of fertility awareness.
Caitlin Estes:
I could not agree with you more. I love every single point that you've just listed and fully support each one of them. I think that's great advice for everyone who is using any natural method and who is anyone who is considering using a natural method. And you've since found that you can be really successful with it, right?
Leslie:
Yes. So, I had my son in September of 2020 and we have successfully prevented pregnancy until now. So there you go. Two plus years later.
Caitlin Estes:
Amazing. There you go. Well, Leslie, thank you so much for being willing to come on and share your experience and share the lessons that you've personally learned through it. I greatly appreciate it.
Leslie:
Thanks for having me.
Caitlin Estes:
Yeah, listeners, I hope you've enjoyed this episode. I know I definitely have. Leslie has had great things to share and I love those big takeaways. In the end, you can be confident in your ability to avoid pregnancy when you, as she said, work with a practitioner and you follow instructions and you work with your spouse. You can absolutely be confident in this. But no matter what your decisions are or what your particular story looks like, God will be faithful to you through it all, providing loving, guiding, comforting. You can count on that and you can do this. If you're interested in considering doing that yourself, I would love to welcome you to our next introductory session, which shares all about what the Creighton system is, how to get started, how we work together to make sure you are confident and comfortable, and how your body actually works in regard to fertility. So you can find our next available intro session@wovenfertility.com slash join us. As always, thanks for listening as we continue to explore together what it means to be woven well.