Ep. 62: Body Talk: Kid Conversations

Welcome back to the Woven Well Podcast! 

As you’ve already seen, today’s topic is about how to talk with kids about their body. But I don't want you to think that this episode is only for mothers! 

If you are an aunt, a sister, a babysitter, a volunteer in the church nursery… If you hope to have children one day… Then this episode is intended to be helpful to you. 

But, it was mothers who originally inspired the episode and I’m sure I’ll use them a lot as my examples. 

For those who may be unfamiliar or are new to our podcast: As a Certified FertiltyCare Practitioner, I work with women and couples to teach them how to chart their fertility and health using the body’s cervical mucus. It’s incredibly effective and insightful about both fertility and health issues. But it does involve making cervical mucus observations every time you go to the bathroom. 

So, I get clients all the time who say, “Caitlin, what am I supposed to do when my bathroom visits have a child tagging along? Can I finger test cervical mucus in front of my kid? Will it scar them?” 

Ultimately, that decision has to be made by you. I’m not going to tell you what’s right or wrong for your family. You get to determine what you feel comfortable with when it comes to educating your child about how bodies work! And there is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing to have the child outside the room as you make your mucus observations! 

But, if your child is in the room with you, and you want to prepare for some conversation, today’s episode is here to help with that. 

Before working full time in the field of natural fertility, I worked for a leading Christian adoption and orphan care ministry. One thing that was stressed again and again is to talk openly, casually, and honestly about adoption with a child who was adopted. 

Decades ago, adoption used to be shrouded in secrecy, even with the child who was adopted, which bred shame and sometimes deeply-held identity issues. Lots of kids grew up thinking: If it’s not talked about, it must be bad. And they applied that to themselves. 

And guess what: that assumption can apply to conversations about the body, too. 

Think about how you were raised when it came to conversations about the body. Was it something talked casually and openly? Was it something you had to learn about on your own? (To cover all the generations here: maybe you learned about it through dictionaries at school or through google searches) 

Now, it’s possible that I simply draw in women who were more in the “on their own” category, and that that’s not the large majority’s experience. But many of the women that I work with, when they talk about this, share that they were directly or indirectly taught that their periods were embarrassing or gross or shameful, or that the only thing important about their body was that it be covered up at youth events. 

If that was you, then you know how that can affect things in your life. Things like confidence, intimacy, knowledge, and advocacy. 

What if, instead, from a young age, you were introduced to your body as the marvelous gift from God that it is? What if you felt comfortable in your body, and grateful for all the things it could do? 

What if you knew all the things that it could do?  What if you had safe, trusted people in your life to whom you could ask any question about it, and they’d help you figure out the answer? What if it wasn't embarrassing and shameful, but factual and… really stinking cool?… even if it was still new and a little awkward as you experienced it? It would have the potential to be life changing. 

So, I’m not saying that practicing Creighton - in front of your kids - will automatically change their lives for the better. What I’m saying is that Creighton may be one way in which you can be open and honest and conversational about their good bodies, and all that they were designed by God to do. 
What do you think? Crazy? Possible? Exciting? Terrifying? This is the point at which I’d love to check in and see what you’re thinking, but… this is a podcast. So I’ll just keep on going! 

Next time you’re in the bathroom, and your toddler or child notices you, or has questions - or even that curious look in their eye, consider bringing it up first! 

Do you notice that Mommy’s body looks different than your body? 

Did you know that all of our bodies are different, but Jesus has a body just like we do? 

Mommy is paying attention to what her body is showing her. We want to take care of our bodies.

Those are just a few suggestions! 

And yes, what if they are too young to understand? No problem at all. 

Consider it practice for you. It’s going to take a while to get used to talking about these things yourself. When was the last time you explained these differences to someone? When was the last time you described all the amazing capabilities of your body? or introduced how babies are made? Practice helps all of us. 

Plus, remember: just like with the example of adoption, we can talk about these things early, even before it’s a question. We can make it as casual and normal as possible for moms and kids to talk about their bodies and questions. 

The conversations will be different when they’re 3 and 5 and 7 and 9, just like they’ll continue to be different as they get into teen years. But you can start talking with them about how all bodies are made in the image of God, and that they are good and beautiful and loved parts of us. 

You can start exploring the differences in bodies together. Every parent has a different take on things like using anatomical terminology vs a made up word for reproductive organs. But you can use the opportunity to teach about these things. 

You can especially talk about what a woman’s body can do. Conversations may develop from explaining that our bodies can help us know if we feel sick or healthy, to the fact that our bodies are a part of bringing a baby into the world. 

You can share how God designed breasts to provide milk when a new baby is born. 

This stuff is honestly kind of cool. And kids, especially girls, as they grow, they’re interested! 

And what a great foundation for one day sharing what that cervical mucus really is, and all the amazing things it can show you. 

And, by that point, it may even be natural to teach her to notice if she ever sees any mucus. Because, she will! Long before her first period, her body will begin producing vaginal discharge as her hormones begin fluctuating for the first time. 

This can be celebrated and normalized! And you can start sharing about how girls’ bodies have the unique ability to carry a baby, like Mary and Elizabeth and Hannah did in the Bible. It's not the sole purpose of the female body, but it is a unique ability! But even long before that will ever happen, the body begins ovulating and menstruating. 

It may still be a tad scary. Blood, in ever other scenario, has always meant that something is wrong...But she’ll be prepared, and knowledgeable, and she’ll have someone she trusts to talk with about it. 

You are basically doing two major things: 

• setting yourself up as the trusted person that is safe to ask questions and will be honest in answering questions, and 

• you’re setting them up with what you wish you’d had growing up - or maybe repeating what you had growing up, if you had a great example set for you. 

These kind of open conversations may start at age four in the bathroom while you’re practicing Creighton, but they can happen anywhere and at any time. We see things every day in this world that can spark conversation. If your eyes notice it, it’s possible your child’s eyes notice it, too. 

I once overheard a conversation between a young girl and who I assume was her mother. There was a statue that showed a woman with a tunic that had fallen to her arm and revealed her breasts. The little girl saw it and said, “She should be wearing more clothes.” And her mother responded, “Her body is so beautiful! Every body is beautiful - but that doesn’t mean we show them to everybody.” It was such a quick interaction - and sure, there was more that could have been said, and maybe it wasn’t even said perfectly - but it changed the core message from one of shame to respect. Her body shouldn’t be covered because it’s shameful or embarrassing, but because every body is beautiful and deserves respect. 

Especially in the Christian culture, it’s hard to fight the mostly unintentional shame culture. But open conversations like this do a great job of sharing knowledge, honoring natural questions, revealing beauty and purpose, and teaching respect and advocacy. 

These are the things women, all the time, tell me they wish they’d had growing up. And when they finally learn them, as adults… they can absolutely bloom. 

And again, all of this we talked about today is not dependent on the specific scenario of having a child that sees you practicing Creighton in the bathroom. You can have these conversations under all sorts of conditions. 

But making the decision to be open and honest and safe has the potential to make a huge difference to the next generation of girls. 

This process takes prayer. Even if this is exactly how you grew up, it can feel scary to try to answer questions and bring up things when you want to do it all right. There are some great resources out there about how to do it. But start with prayer, and I feel confident that the Holy Spirit will give you the words, and will give your child what they need to hear, in that moment. 

So let’s end that way today, with a prayer for you, and this next generation of girls. 

Creator God, 

who made each of us with love and intention, 

who created us male and female, 

who designed us to work together, and with you, to bring new life into the world, 

we thank you for loving us 

and loving us so much that you would design us in your image

and send Your Son in flesh and blood. 

Transform our understanding of the goodness and purpose of our bodies. 

And give us a hear of worship as we desire to share this goodness and purpose with little ones that we love dearly. 

When we feel scared, give us peace. 

When we feel unsure, give us truth. 

When we feel overwhelmed, give us hope. 

Provide our young girls, especially, with a holy respect for their bodies as they grow. 

Our attempts will never be perfect, but we ask for your truth to break through anyway. 

Be with us, each generation, as we all seek to honor you by understanding our bodies and using them to worship you. 

Thank you for your steadfast love and faithfulness. 

In the name of Jesus, we pray, 
 Amen. 

As always, thanks for listening as we continue to explore together, what it means to be woven well.