Ep. 36: Advocating in the Dr.’s Office: Asking Good Questions

Welcome back! Today’s topic is one I get asked about all the time, and for good reason: How to Advocate for yourself in the doctor’s office - specifically as it relates to asking questions.

Now, knowing how to advocate for yourself is important in a variety of settings, not just the doctor’s office, but the doctor’s office is a unique environment because the person you’re speaking with isn’t a peer, but an assumed expert. We have a lot of respect for these professionals. We trust them to know more about medical issues than we do. That’s why we’re there! And so we start wondering, ‘What if I don’t know what I’m talking about? What if I have silly questions? What if they tell me it’s all in my head?’ Or maybe you doubt whether you should be asking any questions at all considering that they are the expert and not you! 

But what you have to offer is incredibly important. 

Yes, you value the years of study and hard work that they put into their education and profession. You want their opinion and guidance. You trust them as your doctor. 

And at the same time, you are the only person that can offer critical insight about yourself, the patient. You know when something feels off, or your symptoms change. You know your medical history, medicinal history, even menstrual history in a way no medical record can reflect. No one else on this planet is going to know your body and health the way you do, which makes you your best advocate for your health. 

So ideally, the doctor/patient dynamic would be one of partnership, with both people bringing their expertise together to treat you efficiently and effectively. 

And sometimes this happens and sometimes it doesn’t. I’ll give you a real world, totally unplanned example. I recently had a run of the mill preventative appointment with a specialty doctor (no, it wasn’t a napro doctor - it wasn’t related to women’s health). 

I went in to my appointment with a few prepared questions to make the most of my time with the expert, the doctor. When I started asking those questions, I was given short, non-descriptive answers designed to keep the appointment short. When I asked for more information, it was clear that I had annoyed the doctor, who was just trying to get to the next appointment on the list. 

I know! Y’all, I didn’t even plan it. But it’s perfect, because this type of scenario happens all the time. Not every time, but often enough that you may have experienced it at some point in your life. And that can make it even more difficult to advocate for yourself in future encounters. 

First of all, I want to be clear that usually it’s not because your doctor is rude or arrogant or unfriendly. Most of the time, it’s just because they’re stressed and short on time. They’re given 10 minutes per patient and they have to keep things moving. Once they’ve seen you’re healthy or they have a plan for what to do next, they’re ready to get to the next exam room and begin the process again. But if a doctor never hears from a patient, they’re never getting the full picture. 

That’s why the doctor-patient relationship has to be one of partnership and communication to truly be the most effective. And why it’s important to hold space for both of these important things: respect for the doctor and respect for the patient. 

Which leads perfectly to a few tips we have on asking good questions during a doctor’s appointment: 

Tip #1: Become an expert in your field. As tempting as it is to research every little detail about a possible medical diagnosis, that’s not your field of expertise. You are. Like I mentioned earlier, no one knows yourself like you do. So the information and insight you have are invaluable. Looking for an answer to symptoms or side effects? Start keeping notes  about what they are, how long they last, and what makes them better or worse. You never know what information will be helpful. Keep a log of changes in medications or supplements, or any big environmental changes like sleep patterns or dietary adjustments. You can even compare current day to a year ago, 2 years ago, 5 years ago. What patterns or trends do you notice? How have your lab results shifted? 

You don’t have to do all of this, but what’s important is that you know that your experience is valuable. Your expertise is valuable. Knowing and believing that yourself helps you convey that to the doctor and staff. And having your notes prepared beforehand helps you to express yourself succinctly and effectively. 

Tip #2: Become familiar with the possibilities. We’ve already established that you’re the expert on you, but your doctor likely has far more expertise on the topic at hand. I personally think there’s too much pressure in trying to take this on yourself. But in order to advocate for yourself through asking good questions, it’s good to have a general understanding of the topic and the possibilities attached to it. 

Which leads us to Tip #3: Prepare your key questions ahead of time. This is super helpful to your doctors. Even the kindest doctors are rushed for time, so having your questions ready beforehand benefits you both.

Here’s an example: If you’ve been experiencing symptoms and you’re coming in in hopes of identifying a cause, then you’ll want to research your symptoms and possible diagnoses ahead of time so that you can ask what they’re testing for, how they plan to rule out other possibilities, what treatments they suggest, or what next steps will be depending on lab results. 

But this tip doesn’t just apply to something you have to research beforehand. Medications are a great example. Whenever your doctor prescribes a new medication, you can use that opportunity to become familiar with the possibilities by asking specific follow up questions: What side effects should I expect? What side effects would be concerning? What alternative medications are there for this purpose, and what side effects do they have? How long do you anticipate me taking this medication? 

Tip #4: It’s okay to ask for more information. 

Your doctor says, “We’re going to draw some labs today.” 

“Great! What results are you hoping for? And what will be our next steps if they come back normal or abnormal?” 

It’s okay to ask about next steps. Your most valuable time to get answers is when your face to face with the doctor. The same thing goes for if the answer to a question is not as thorough as you were hoping for. 

If you’re given short, non-descriptive answers, but you need more, don’t be afraid to ask for more. “Can you explain that to me?” “I’m not familiar with that term; what does it mean?” “You just said _____, can you tell me why that is?” 

But sometimes asking the questions is the trickiest part on our end. That’s why Tip #5 is often helpful: Practice advocating for your needs. 

Advocating for yourself can sometimes feel intimidating when you’re on the exam table and the doctor is moving efficiently through the appointment. Practicing beforehand what you’ll say or how you’ll handle the situation can make a huge difference! 

You can plan to let the nurse know that you have questions for the doctor, so that they’re aware when they come in. You may choose to bring your notes or questions in on a piece of paper so they see that you have an agenda for your time together. 

You may even want to practice what you’d say if they are on their way out before you’ve had a chance to ask your questions: “I can see you’re getting ready to go, but I have two more question for our time together.” 

“As I told the nurse, I do have a topic I’d like to discuss today.”

When it comes down to it, questions don’t take up that much time. But having a plan in place can help you get that time that you need. 

After the appointment is over, there’s still another tip to help you ask good questions of the doctor. Tip #6: Be intentional to follow up. 

Doctors offices see dozens of patients a day, so you are your best advocate for care even after your appointment. Find out when they expect lab results, and make a plan to call to find out the specific results. 

Identify who is supposed to complete next steps (like sending orders or calling in prescriptions) so that you can reach out if they don’t come through. 

Many times the specific answers we need don’t come in until after the appointment, so being prepared for how to follow up afterward makes all the difference. 

As I’ve mentioned, these tips will help no matter what doctor or doctor’s office you work with. The better relationship we can have with our medical providers, the better our care and the stronger our team. As patients, we want to do what we can to help our providers thrive - because their thriving helps our thriving. But the same is true the other way around! Most doctors got into this work to help and heal, and they know that our thriving is their goal. 

If you find that you don’t have a doctor that partners with you in that way, consider finding one who values your voice. Ask friends for recommendations. Ask trusted medical providers for referrals in other specialties. We talk a lot about Napro doctors on this podcast, but they’re only in one field: women’s health. And that open partnership is important for every field of medicine. 

My final tip is this one: Be kind. To the doctor, to the nurse, to the front office staff. You don’t know what it will mean to that front desk for you to come in 15 minutes early with your paperwork done and your driver’s license ready. :) Or how appreciative your nurse may be if you have a print out of your medication and supplement list, or ask them how their day is going! Give each person grace and kindness, as you hope they give back to you. 

I hope all of this has been helpful. I’d love to hear your experiences and if you have any other tips you’d like to share! You can find us over @wovenfertility or submit to our website wovenfertility.com. 

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As always, thanks for listening as we continue to explore together what it means to be woven well.