Ep. 37: Infertility 101

Welcome back to the Woven Well Podcast! We’re continuing our 101 series by tackling a topic for any couple hoping to one day, or currently trying to, conceive a pregnancy: infertility. 

It’s not a fun word. I think for a lot of people it stirs up a lot of painful thoughts or experiences.

Even if you’ve never walked through it, odds are high that you have a friend or family member who has, and you think about the hundreds of injections and many thousands of dollars that are involved with that word. A lot of pain, sadness, despair. If you’re not walking through it, you may be terrified of the thought of walking through it!

Whether that sounds like you, or you’re in the midst of the struggle yourself, this episode is meant for you. 

And I thought I’d start it with somewhat of a bombshell: Infertility is not a diagnosis. It’s a symptom. 

We have to start with this critical differentiation. Because this affects where we go from here. 

A diagnosis is when you identify a disease based on its symptoms. When infertility is treated like a disease, instead of a diagnosis, it often feels insurmountable. It feels like a disease without a cure, where your only shot is to outsmart it somehow and sneak around the problem itself. It’s also easy to start taking this diagnosis on internally, and it’s awfully defeating. 

But infertility is not a disease. It’s a symptom! How we define it and approach it, makes all the difference in the world. 

So, let’s define it: the general definition of infertility is no pregnancy after 12 months of intercourse without using any means of avoiding pregnancy. 

First of all, 12 months is a long time to wait to find out if you have any issues conceiving a pregnancy. And using this strategy of identifying infertility, you gain no information about what could possibly be causing it. Scary and frustrating. By the time a year is up, many couples feel exhausted and overwhelmed because they’ve gone a year without any direction at all. When it could be something as simple as them not using their actual days of fertility. 

In an ideal world, I would love to start working with a couple 3-6 months before they’re ready to conceive. When we start working together, we teach you all about how your body functions - what should be happening, what to be on the look out for, and how to chart your cycles. We also go over what charting your cycles reveals - what signals it gives us about hormone deficiencies, barriers to conception, early miscarriage concerns, and more. The Creighton method specifically provides an incredible amount of data to work with from just a few months of charting. You could chart for 3 months, identify any of your body’s signs of issues or concern over the next 3 months, and work toward restoring your body’s full, healthy function before you’re ready to grow your family biologically. Then, if you don’t conceive after 6 months of using your specific days of fertility, we have a new symptom: infertility. 

Now the possible reasons for this infertility are so much smaller and more manageable. You have 6-12 months of data to make use of immediately. You know when to time cycle specific testing. You’re already connected with a restorative approach doctor who wants to get you as healthy as possible, just like you do. 

In my opinion, the difference between these two paths is huge. Not just treatment wise, but what they’re like to walk through. I’ve had this conversation over and over again with women. They went the first route - the conventional route - and felt like they got stuck on what I call the infertility conveyor belt:

12 months without a pregnancy. Googling everything. Feeling more confused with each new cycle. Trying any tips under the sun. Attempting to keep a totally unsustainable pattern of intimacy with their spouse. Peeing on all the things. 

Next, go to the local OBGYN, who does the routine workup: bloodwork at the start of a cycle, an ultrasound at some point in the cycle, prescribing letrozole or clomid, maybe an HSG. 

If no luck after 6-12 months, referral to a Reproductive Endocrinologist, who explains their approach of IUI or IVF. And almost 2 years have passed since they decided to grow their family.

What I hear the most about this conveyor belt experience is that it leaves many women feeling unseen and unhopeful. Their bodies feel broken. Not just broken, but broken beyond repair. Like a pregnancy requires trying to bypass the body in any way it can. 

That’s a painful path to walk. I don’t love what it does to our relationship with our bodies. I don’t love what it does to our marital relationship. I don’t love how it treats women - more as broken objects to be manipulated, than living, breathing, vibrant individuals worthy of restoration and healing. 

Because you, are uniquely made. You were crafted with beauty and intention.

Not everyone will have biological children. But everyone should be treated - body and soul - with dignity and individualized care. 

So I want to make you aware of another way than the conveyor belt. 

Whether you’re just thinking of starting your family, or you’ve been trying for several months now, or you’re well on your way down the infertility conveyor belt, it’s never too late to begin walking down this other path. 

So here it is: Let’s take a look at you - your body, your husband’s body, your unique fertility together - and explore what may be causing this symptom of infertility. 

Is your body releasing a healthy egg?

Is your husband producing healthy sperm?

Can egg and sperm physically meet?

Can an embryo implant in your lining? 

Does your body welcome or attack this new pregnancy? 

These are the foundational pieces needed to conceive and carry a pregnancy. Identifying which are going well and which may have hindrances is worth it, because these are the areas we can restore to improve your overall health and ability to conceive and carry a child. 

You really have to know the root of the issue before you can address it. 

• For instance, if your body is producing quality eggs and ovulating each cycle, then there’s no need to take something like Femara/Letrozole or Clomid. It may be standard protocol, but if it doesn’t address your issue, then it doesn’t help at all, and doesn’t mean anything at all when it doesn’t work.

• If you’ve had pregnancies but early miscarriages that aren’t ectopic, there may not be a need to check your fallopian tubes for blockages. Again, it may be standard protocol, but that time and those resources could be used to address other issues that we know are going on.

Don’t settle for an approach that doesn’t acknowledge you for the unique individual that you are. Seek out a doctor that is just as curious as you are as to what’s going on behind the symptom. I’m happy to give you resources or referrals. I know it can be challenging to find this different approach at your standard medical office. 

And some of you may be wondering why I’m not talking more about the standard protocol. What’s so bad about following the standard testing and trying the methods typically suggested? 

If you’ve heard many of our episodes, then you know that we at woven natural fertility care are all about empowering you to make the health decisions that are right for you. 

And the standard may be right for you! You may love the care your local OBGYN gives! You may choose to go the IUI/IVF route!

But what I’ve found is that there is a whole lot of information out there about that avenue, and very little about the restorative one. 

So we’re being intentional about talking about it. We want you to know your options. And we want you to know that there is more than one way to treat infertility. 

Still, regardless of which path you take, the walkin’ ain’t easy. 

I think most people underestimate how difficult it is to have constant lab work and ultrasounds - to plan vacations and events around different times of the cycle - to juggle medications and supplements - and live with the unknown of what life will look like moving forward. These are real trials, whether you’re pursing restorative diagnostic medicine or RE procedures. 

Add to that the emotional pain of negative pregnancy tests followed by yet another period - it’s hard. 

The best counsel I can offer is this: don’t walk it alone. 

Of course I mean community - we talk a lot about the importance of community on this podcast. 

And I most definitely mean your husband, too. No one else will understand the trials and the joys like your partner in this life and in this journey. Even if you process it differently, you can process it together. 

But more than anyone or anything, I mean your loving God. 

Do not walk this alone. Because God is present, and there to walk it with you. 

God is so willing to carry this struggle with you. God created our bodies - designed them as male and female - crafted them to work together for bonding, and procreation, and even worship. God cares intimately for you, body and soul. 

In fact, let’s not forget - God took on flesh. Jesus himself was physically birthed of Mary and walked around in skin and bones, flesh and blood. 

God cares about our bodies. God cares about your body. Invite God to share with you in the joys and the hurts. Ask your questions. Cry your frustrations. Trust God with this journey. You will not be disappointed with what it births - even if it’s not a baby. 

That’s the thing. I can’t promise you a child. No one can promise you a child. But I can promise you - because God has already promised it! - steadfast love and faithfulness from God as you walk this path together. 

This is just the beginning, isn’t it? There’s so much to be said here. I would love to hear your story. I would love to know if you find this encouraging and hopeful, or if you’re feeling exhausted and despairing. I wish I knew if you were on the conveyor belt and looking for other options, or in the middle of that 12 months of trying, prayerful about what will come next. 

We can talk, if you’d like. You can reserve a time on my scheduling site to talk with me about where you are, what you’ve gone through, or anything else about your fertility journey that you’d like to share. 

Or I would love to help you get started in finding the root cause of your infertility! Join this month’s Introductory Session and we’ll learn all about understanding your body’s signs and charting your cycles to pinpoint specific issues. We’ll talk more about a restorative health approach, and I’ll help get you connected with a doctor. 

Both will be linked in the show notes for you. 

Above everything else, I hope you come away from this infertility 101 episode with this message: there is hope. 

As always, thanks for listening as we continue to explore together what it means to be woven well.