Ep. 13: Growing your family, pt. 2 with Karla Thrasher
Caitlin Estes:
Welcome to the woven well podcast. I'm your host, Caitlin Estes. I'm a certified fertility care practitioner with a master divinity degree. Each episode will cover a topic that helps educate and empower you on your fertility while honoring the deep connection your fertility has with your faith. Let's get started.
Caitlin Estes:
Welcome back as we continue talking about growing your family. Last week, we talked about growing your family biologically, and this week we'll explore the option of adoption. To help us, we have Karla Thrasher, who is the director of international adoption at lifeline children's services. Lifeline is a nonprofit organization that works to equip the body of Christ to manifest the gospel to vulnerable children. And this takes place in lots of different ways. They're involved in a lot of things, but one of their main ways is through adoption. So most of my past or current clients know that I worked at lifeline for several years in their domestic department, which focuses on birth mother ministry, domestic adoption, and family reunification through foster care. But today's guest has worked at lifeline for many, many years, since 2001, and has seen some amazing things happen through the ministry of adoption. So thanks for being on today, Karla, we're really excited to have you share.
Karla Thrasher:
Oh, thank you so much for having me Caitlin. I love talking about international adoption, love talking about lifeline, and it's great to see you.
Caitlin Estes:
It's good to see you too! So most will know that adoption is welcoming a child who was not born to them biological into their family and loving them faithfully and unconditionally for the remainder of their lives. But there's a big difference between that as a concept and the journey involved in both adopting this child and living as a family afterward. So first of all, families may pursue a domestic adoption through relationship with the birth mother or through a foster care program when children are not able to be reunited with their biological families, or families can adopt internationally. So while all of these are wonderful options and you've worked with many of them over the years in different roles, it's the international option that has the greatest need. Is that right?
Karla Thrasher:
Oh, absolutely. You know, Caitlin, one thing that really sets international adoption apart from domestic adoption is that with international adoption, there are millions of children waiting for families. You know, it's been really interesting over the past couple of years, especially kind of with the circumstances of the world. We've seen programs kind of go up and down. We've seen some delays in processes due to, you know, COVID specifically, just the economy, the cost of adoption, but one thing that never changes is that there is still a need for children to have families.
Caitlin Estes:
Mm. I would imagine so. And so you're right. There are so many different changes, but that's always a need. Now we did an Instagram poll recently asking followers how they planned to grow their family. And about 40% said through adoption and biologically. So what would be some of the most important things for them to consider as they think about growing their family through adoption specifically?
Karla Thrasher:
That's a great question. I think one thing to consider specifically is where you anticipate that child coming from. Lifeline works in 18 countries across the world. And one very common indicator of success that we see with lifeline families is families that follow the Lord in that decision. That they have really sought him knowing that if he is leading them to a specific program, he is going to provide and pave the way. Different countries have different requirements. So on the practical side, it's good that, you know, the requirements of those countries, the age of children eligible for adoption, the medical special needs that you facing as you adopt from that country, length of time that you'll have to be in country - Those are all really important indicators to help families make decisions of what country is going to be the best for them and the best fit for their family.
Caitlin Estes:
And I love that you included the importance of prayer in that process, because I know that, just through my experience at lifeline, and seeing so many families walk that journey and seeing the difference it makes when they feel like they are walking that path in response to a call, and have the support of maybe a church family, as well, as they go through that journey, and what an absolute difference that that makes. And so you just spoke specifically about choosing a country, which I think is a huge topic. And there are going to be lots of things for families to consider for those adopting domestically, as well. They may want to pray through what type of relationship they'll have with their child's birth mother. And as you mentioned, for those adopting internationally, one of the big questions at the start may be which country to adopt from. So if you have a family that's just starting out and they're trying to decide, okay, which country do we do we start with? Where would you tell them to start? What guidance would you give them in making that big decision?
Karla Thrasher:
Yeah, great question. And of course you and I have both just talked through the importance of prayer. So the tools that I mentioned, it is so important that you keep the Lord first in those decisions. Because like you said, if it's a calling, you have the confidence that he has gone before you, but also it's neat to be on the other side of so many international adoptions and hear families be able to testify to the hard times or the challenges, but on the backside, knowing it was the Lord that was leading them - just the confidence that they had, that they were on the right course and how even, you know, the Lord is so good to show us on the backside of things, how it all made sense. Why timing had to be the way it was, why it was this specific child that was going to be the one he had chosen for their families. But on the practical side, lifeline offers a really useful, very practical tool that we call a quick look. And the quick look is just category after category of all of the practical things. What is the cost in this country? How long will you stay in this country when you're completing your adoption? What is the age of child eligible for adoption in this country? Are siblings available? Are there any special kind of unique requirements that families or individuals have to meet? So that would be a good first tool. A second really useful tool is a conversation with the program managers or program directors for those countries where they can, in the space of about 30 minutes, get to know as much as they can about you and share what they know about will this country, will this region be a good fit for your family? We offer webinars, you know, we offer really good educational pieces just to learn more about international adoption as you're seeking the Lord for his will, for your family. So lots of good practical tools available out there as families are following the Lord's leading and the Lord's call on their lives.
Caitlin Estes:
Absolutely. And one of the big ones you mentioned was the financial cost of adoption. So for families expecting a biological child, they know to anticipate a big cost from the hospital or midwife fees. And so for those adopting, they know to expect a financial cost that includes a lot of paperwork, a lot of people, and a lot of patience. So, um, speaking to that specifically, how do you encourage families to approach the financial cost when I'm sure it feels daunting at the outset before you know a lot of information about it.
Karla Thrasher:
Absolutely. When you look at that figure on a piece of paper, I'm sure that it seems very overwhelming to families. So what we always follow quickly with is - I love encouraging families, that it is very unusual that a family comes into an international adoption process knowing where all of this money is coming from. But speaking specifically to lifeline, it's broken down in kind of more manageable pieces. But still at the end of the day, it's still a large amount of money. There are grant entities, Caitlin, that partner with these families, with the financial resources along the way, Lifeline has some great relationships with them. We have points in our process where we specifically stop and say, okay, now apply for your grant, now apply for your grant. And families receive great encouragement from those entities.
Karla Thrasher:
Churches are great financial resources for families. Many churches have orphan care funds that they make donations to families' processes. International adoption families are great fundraisers. They do all kinds of fundraisers: there's pancake breakfasts, and concerts, and garage sales. So the adoption community really rallies alongside these families to minimize the impact of cost. One thing specific to lifeline that I'm really proud of is that we have our own fund called the hope adoption fund. And we seek out families with financial need, that we are able to make donations to along the way in their process. This year alone we've had, we've already designated about $37,000 to families in processes. And it's great to be the agency leading the family, but also being able to support them along the way.
Caitlin Estes:
Wow. That has to be so encouraging. I hope for anyone listening who thinks about adoption as being an expensive option...because I feel like that's what you hear people say a lot... I hope that that really is very encouraging to hear, that very few families are coming in able to pay this money. That's not the expectation, but there are so many resources out there available to any family. And like you said earlier, when you have that call, when you feel the Lord inviting you to take part in this journey, then trusting that God is going to be a part of the journey along the way, providing as is needed, is so wonderful. Maybe the last thing we have time to talk about today is the support needed after adoption. So here, I want to mention personally how critical it is to have an adoption agency that supports you over your child's lifetime. So when you're working with a supportive agency, they're going to provide so many resources to you for the flourishing of your family: education on parenting, attachment, common struggles, counseling, so many other things. I know that lifeline offers these options because I was there and I saw it. But whoever you work with, ask about these post-adoption resources during the agency interview process. And now, Karla, for anyone listening, who may want to learn more to see if adoption may be right for their family, what would you recommend their next steps to be at this point?
Karla Thrasher:
Absolutely. So I would reach out to agencies or ministries that you're interested in. Lifeline specifically, you can go to our website for connections regarding next steps. We have an inquiry specialist that you can contact directly heather.Jackson@lifelinechild.org. We also offer webinars every Thursday. I believe they're Thursday at noon central time, and you can go to our website and you can find that webinar information. The webinars are a great way to jump online with some of our staff here, hear about the countries, hear about the programs that we offer, and we'll talk a lot about post adoption support, like you just mentioned. But yeah, the webinars and direct conversations with our staff here would be great next steps.
Caitlin Estes:
And I love that you've invited people to speak with you all personally. And that you actually gave a name for someone to speak with because I do think it can feel intimidating when a couple may be interested in adoption, but where do they even begin? And even looking at an agency online, how do you make that next step? So you said it was heather.Jackson@lifelinechild.org. And I'm sure that she would be thrilled to talk with anyone and probably is capable of helping them to look at differences between international and domestic and those options that are available to them as they discern that with the Lord. Right. Okay. Wonderful. Well, I knew today would be rich with information for listeners and, you know, while we do so often focus on the biological side of things at woven, it's so important for us to include this important, God-honoring, and meaningful option for growing your family. So if you'd like to learn more about growing your family and other topics of fertility and faith, we'd like to invite you to follow us at @wovenfertility on Instagram and continue to listen to us here at woven well podcast. If you'd like to follow more, that's going on at lifeline children's services specifically, you can follow them on Instagram at @lifelinechild. Thank you so much, Karla, for being here today and being a part of this!
Karla Thrasher:
Thank you for having us and just partnering with us in sharing just the amazing ministry of international adoption.
Caitlin Estes:
Absolutely. We're thrilled to. So until thanks for listening, as we continue to explore together what it means to be woven well.