Ep. 34: Is Contraception a Faithful Choice for Christians?

Welcome back, and thanks so much for listening to today’s episode on whether contraception is a faithful choice for Christian couples, which is actually a topic that was requested by our Instagram followers over @wovenfertility. I absolutely love that you want to talk about this. 

Thinking theologically about our bodies doesn’t always come naturally to us. It’s not even necessarily modeled for us very well at home or at church - But it’s important to think theologically about our bodies, and decisions made about our bodies! If you haven’t had a chance to yet, listen to our episode 29 with Dr. Cameron Jorgenson, where he talks us through why this is important and what we can start learning about God and ourselves through the process. I think it would be helpful to have heard that first, because we’re going to dive right in to the specifics of our question. 

So, why are we asking this question today? Obviously it was requested by our followers, but what inspired them? 

Even if you’re brand new to intentionally thinking theologically about your body, it doesn’t mean you haven’t had theological thoughts or questions before now. I have clients all the time who begin learning the Creighton method with me after feeling suddenly uncertain about whether or not they feel comfortable with contraception in their marriage. I think it’s these hesitations and questions that led many of our listeners to ask - is contraception a faithful choice for Christians?  

Unfortunately, we can’t necessarily readily get these answers from our favorite Christian leaders. Not all pastors or leaders think or talk about the body and fertility theologically. 

It’s out there, but it’s not abundant, except for much of the Catholic church. Some of our listeners are Catholic, but many are Christians who are not, so I’ll share that the Catholic church has provided some deeply thought out theological approaches to everything we’ll talk about today.

And I will go ahead and reveal that they’re the only major branch of Christianity that feels the answer to the question “is contraception a faithful choice for Christians?” is an unequivocal NO. 

But it’s not always been like that. And, who knows, it may not always stay that way. 

Back in 1929, all Christians across the world, and for the 1500 or so years prior, would have been adamantly against any form of contraception. (Yes, there were forms of contraception before hormonal contraception - there’s even a biblical example with Onan!) Catholic Christians, Protestant Christians, Orthodox Christians - they all agreed that contraception took something important - theologically important - away from marital intercourse. 

In 1930, the Anglican church broke away from this unified belief and, within 30 years, all but the Catholic church followed suit. So why did this happen? Although it feels like a longstanding belief to many of us now (since only our grand- or great grand- parents were alive when that split occurred in the 1930s) this is a relatively new stance that’s less than 100 years old!

In that time, the “approved” methods of contraception have included barrier methods, hormonal contraception, spermicide, the morning after pill, and more. But just because they’ve been widely accepted culturally and in many churches, doesn’t mean they’ve left Christians without questions or hesitations.  I know this first hand from conversations I’ve had with clients over the years: 

Can a pro-life couple use hormonal contraception without concerns? 

Does contraception cheapen the meaning of marital intercourse? 

Do condoms pose the same theological questions as hormonal contraception? 

Does using contraception exclude God in some way? 

Is our marriage affected in a positive or negative way when using contraception? 

Our episodes are short, and a podcast probably isn’t the ideal format in which to talk about this, so we’re not going to get to the bottom of all of these questions today. But we’re going to do something really important: we’re going to start the conversation. 

And I want to start it by affirming your desire to ask theological questions. I want to affirm you asking them within a Christian community, your seeking guidance from Scripture, and leadership, and tradition, and above all, the Holy Spirit. 

As believers, all that we do should be to glorify God - and that means asking intentional questions about all that we do. 

And maybe asking these questions feels scary! And I get that! You may be thinking, “Um, I did not vote for this question and I’ve never even thought about this!” That’s okay, too! Even when the questions we ask God are scary, the answers - whatever they may be - will be spiritually fruitful. 

Is contraception a faithful choice for Christians? 

No doubt in my mind, the first step is to submit this question to God. I think we have to be intentional about that. We need to begin praying about this question with an open heart as to where the Lord may lead. 

With this openness, we can then go to Scripture and see what the Bible has to say about contraception. 

I’ll go ahead and tell you - it’s not a whole lot. Genesis includes the story of Onan who agreed to marry and be intimate with his deceased brother’s wife (which was traditional at the time), but refused to allow his seed to impregnate her. Early forms of contraception. Other than that, there’s not much. 

What there is a lot of talk about is sexual intimacy and bearing children. 

And that sounds about right for the start of our conversation, too. Before we decide if we should alter sexual intimacy, maybe we ought to first try to understand what it means and how significant it is, as it is. 

From the genesis of creation, male and female were told to come together to be fruitful and multiply. It’s hard to get around this one; Adam and Eve were told that, as a part of this union, they were called to bear children, and it was a good thing. 

Then throughout Scripture, children are a celebrated result of marital intimacy. The Psalms include repeated references to children as blessings, rewards, a heritage. The Old Testament tells of barren women praying for children and men celebrating their large families. There are stories like Onan’s with alternate endings, where brothers produce offspring for their deceased brothers because a child is a gift and a heritage. Even Jesus refers to children as nothing but gifts. Marital intimacy is procreative. 

But! The Bible gives us more than children as a part of the gift of marital intimacy. When a married couple comes together in this way, they experience a bonding that was uniquely intended for them. It represents a commitment for life, for good or bad, in sickness and health, that can’t be expressed in any other equivalent way. 

And this physical bond includes physical pleasure and delight, as is so directly laid out for us in Song of Solomon. God designed parts of male and female anatomy for this sole purpose. This is not a shameful part of intimacy, but one boldly celebrated biblically. 

Marital intimacy points us to the closeness and bond the Trinity shares together - not in its sexual nature, but it’s intimate understanding, joy, and devotion.

Each time a couple celebrates marital intimacy, it’s an opportunity to renew those marriage vows with the language of the body and also point to something so much greater than themselves. Unlike society’s opinion that sex is self-expression, Christians understand that sex is self-giving and covenantal! Marital intimacy is unitive. 

It’s also mysterious. Ephesians 5 is so well known, well loved, and well hated. But the part that so often gets overlooked is Ephesians 5:31-32: 

31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 

Marital intimacy tells a story in a way nothing else can about the love and commitedness and beauty and sacrifice of Christ for his bride, the Church. There’s so much we could get into here, if we had the time. But this mystery makes sex sacred, and holy. A far cry from how it’s portrayed in our time. 

But how it’s portrayed in movies and tv shows and songs, doesn’t change its meaning. Nothing can do that. 

And so every time a couple engages in marital intimacy, they have the opportunity to celebrate these gifts of God: bonding, procreation, delight, renewal, and a story of Christ’s ultimate sacrifice and eternal commitment to His Bride, the Church. 

This is really something, friends! 

So with all this in mind, how does contraception affect these aspects of intimacy? 

Does changing one aspect reduce the meaning? Does discarding one part of the gift affect our ability to embrace the whole? 

I think this is important. Because we think a lot about how contraception affects our ability to conceive babies. But the conception of babies is only one part of a greater picture, and one that can’t be separated out. 

I know there are some of you listening thinking, “Are you kidding? What in the world could be wrong with contraception?!” There’s nothing wrong with prayerfully discerning your family size and influencing the number of children you have, but those who challenge contraception would say that God has given us a way to do that that offers us the best God has to offer for us, and contraception is not that way. Maybe you could compare it to saving up your tithe throughout the month to make sure you have enough money for your needs before giving your tithe back to God. You’re still giving back to God, and that’s good… but you’ve missed part of the gift in the process. The trust, and submission, and vulnerability are intentional. God uses those things for our good and God’s glory. Missing out on those aspects is missing out on something sacred.

We could end this episode right here, as a place to pause and ponder prayerfully. But I know many of you will want to move to the next natural question, “What do I do now?” 

First of all, I want to mention, as you discern God’s leadership in this area of your marriage, that no major branch of Christianity believes that because of the importance of procreation, all child bearing must be left up to chance. That’s called providentalism, and no major Christian, Orthodox, Catholic, or Protestant churches teach this. 

So, after you pause and pray and ponder, you’re left with two main Christian communities: those who believe that something theologically vital is lost when procreation is taken out of marital intimacy, and those who feel that contraception is permissible, when carefully discerned. John Piper, Diedrich Bonhoeffer, many Christian leaders have made allowance for contraception, but with great, intentional discernment: 

What does that careful discernment look like? Maybe it's asking some questions: What’s the reason behind not wanting to conceive children this month? Are you prayerfully submitting your family make up to God? Are you openly discussing fertility topics together as a couple? Is it beneficial or harmful to your marriage to have sex for unity and pleasure alone? What good could God intend from making sex a distinctly procreative act? And is that good, meant for us, lost when we disregard it? 

Basically, contraception is not a choice to be made flippantly. It may be permissible, but is it beneficial? And that’s something for you to prayerfully discern together. 

We cannot separate sex from babies. It cannot be done - praise God! Because it’s not meant to be done. It may not happen - a couple may naturally never conceive or carry children, or may be beyond child bearing years - but the sexual act is by default a biologically procreative one. 

So what are our options for family planning? 

If you’re a Christian who, after submitting to prayer and discerning God’s leadership, believes that contraception is acceptable within your marriage, then your main options are sterilization (which is meant as a more permanent contraception), barrier methods (like condoms or diaphragms), or hormonal contraception (like the birth control pill, an IUD, or morning after pill). 

I wish I could say your theological discernment was over, but each of these come with a separate set of theological questions. Is permanent sterilization as acceptable as temporary contraception? And, a critical question to answer first - when does life begin? 

That may influence your choices, as many forms of hormonal contraception do not prevent fertilization of an egg and creation of an embryo as much as it prevents its implantation into the uterus. 

I didn’t say this episode would be easy! I said it would be fruitful. And I believe that it will! 

God will be faithful to guide you, as you seek guidance. You won’t be left stranded. God has made a way, and will provide - even with your unique family, and fears, and questions. God knows you intimately. God knows your marriage, your concerns, your history. God loves you and your spouse. God loves your children, living here or in heaven, born or yet to come. 

You can trust God with this tender area of your marriage. 

I have the unique experience of working with clients who fall into both of these categories - those who believe contraception is not a faithful choice for Christians, and those who believe it can be - because what we teach at woven natural fertility care is a method of family planning that allows for the avoiding of pregnancy while still maintaining the full fertility of the couple. 

I believe that this approach embraces both the unitive and procreative sides of marriage. It honors martial intimacy as a symbol for Christ and His Church. And I think it’s a beautiful thing. That doesn’t mean it’s right for everyone. But if you’re interested in learning about whether it may be right for you and your spouse, I invite you to email me or join next month’s online Introductory Session, where we learn all about the Creighton method and how you can use it to achieve or avoid pregnancy. 

I know there are so many questions still to be answered and aspects of this topic to be explored. I’ve already begun putting together information and resources to continue this conversation. But I’d love to hear from you about what would be most helpful, and welcome you to send it to me via Instagram @wovenfertility or through email at caitlin@wovenfertility.com 

I hope today has been a helpful starting place for any Christian who happens to listen. Thank you for trusting me with your time. I truly believe that these questions are meaningful, and God’s answers will be fruitful in your life, whatever they may be. 

As always, thanks for listening as we explore together what it means to be woven well.