Ep. 28: Self Love when your body feels broken

Welcome back to the Woven Well Podcast. As a Certified FertilityCare Practitioner, I have the privilege of hearing some of the most intimate thoughts or struggles of women and couples as it relates to their fertility. One that I’ve heard again and again over the years is a feeling of disconnection from their own bodies. 

They may not say it outright like that: maybe it’s that they don’t feel comfortable with how their body looks because of weight or pregnancy, or they feel so beaten down from years of trying to get their cycles regular or their periods to stop being painful. Maybe they’re dealing with infertility or miscarriage, and feel uncertain about how to make peace with a body that may feel like more of a burden than a blessing at some points. I’ve had clients feel ashamed about the blood they lose each month, having been told as a child how gross it is or having an embarrassing moment in middle school that left a painful mark on their confidence, and their relationship with their cycles. Maybe they experienced some abuse or trauma in life that honestly makes it difficult to embrace their body in a variety of ways. 

So many different stories and journeys, but each one marked by real pain and struggle. Each one suggesting that there’s something wrong with our bodies, our fertility, our womanhood - our worth. Something about us feels broken, and not good enough. And that’s a heavy burden to bear. 

It doesn’t help that we all encounter these messages in tv shows, celebrity actions, or even middle school mean girls - or the water cooler mean girls? They grow up! 

Whenever someone begins using weight as a measurement of worth, for instance, or fertility as a measure of womanhood - these are just examples - there’s going to be a slow disconnect from our bodies that leads to shame, disrespect, and deep pain. 

And you know what this reveals? 

How we feel about our bodies matters. And it’s not just because #selflove. I’m not against the self love movement - but not the cheap version we see hashtagged and praised. 

Self love is often used as a way to find things about yourself to make you feel good. They may or may not fit the society’s standards at the moment, but they are in an attempt to make you feel a little better about yourself. 

But, whatever you could come up with on that list: smooth skin, new car, marathon runner...

It just gets scratched out when it changes. You age, you have an accident, time passes, you get an injury. 
 
Consider this, instead. When God made us, we were designed in the image of God. Unlike any other animal or creation, we were chosen for special relationship with God: we were chosen to be image bearers. And being made in God’s image gives us intrinsic (or natural, essential) dignity. (GENESIS 3) 

This is huge - this means we do not have to do anything to have this value. In fact, we cannot do anything to have this value. You are valuable. You are worthy of love. You have dignity. And it has nothing to do with where your from, what your body can do, who knows and respects you… you have it because God gifted you with it. 

It’s not just you and me, either - all humans have this same dignity. Every single one. 

And this dignity applies to body and soul. You are *intentionally* both body and soul. 

If you’re a new client in the first half of 2022, you received a t-shirt from me with your new supplies that had a simple message on the front, “Body and Soul.” And this is where it comes from. 

You experience life, body and soul. 

You have value, body and soul. 

You were designed and crafted, body and soul. 

Your fertility matters, body and soul. 

I think we’re all pretty comfortable acknowledging how important the soul is. I mean, it’s your soul - it has eternal significance. But if we are body & soul, and we honor the soul, we have to honor the body, as well - not as equal, but as intentionally bound, on earth and in heaven. 

We can honor the body as a gift - regardless of measured health, or wholeness, or beauty. Remember, all those measurements mean nothing. Your body is meaningful and significant as it is. 

Again, they’re not equal - we definitely want the soul to lead the body and not the other way around - check out Galatians 5 for that.

But the Bible most definitely directs us to the importance of our physical bodies. The prime example being Jesus himself - God incarnate, who chose to come live among us, flesh and blood, body and soul, God and man. (JOHN 1:14) 

Also look at the ways we’re invited into deeper relationship with God through the physical body - baptism of the body, holy communion or the Lord’s supper, physical service to our neighbors and those in need… the are all examples of physical participation with SPIRITUAL fruit. It’s possible that our bodies actually help us to better understand the spiritual. 

Viewing the body in this way - as intentionally united with the soul - means we just can’t see the body as only an object of pleasure or utility any more. Can they provide us utility and pleasure? For sure. But we can’t mistake that for their purpose. There’s just too much at stake! 

Our bodies point us to understand God as our Creator, Jesus as our Brother, and the Spirit as our Sustainer. When we devalue ourselves, as the creation, it devalues the One who created us.  

But recognizing and acknowledging our human dignity - both body and soul…. That transforms so much in our lives… 

How we respect our bodies, 

how we honor others (those who look and act like us, and those who don’t), 

how we engage the world, 

how we worship, 

how we value human life outside of our own, 

how we view ourselves as women. 

It affects how we see marriage, and our sexuality, and our children. 

It makes a difference. It changes everything. 

But it doesn’t mean it comes naturally. It takes some practice. But this is where the deeper, much richer version of self love comes in. Sometimes the most frequent way we can practice honoring this radical dignity of all people is to acknowledge it in ourselves. 

Those influences we mentioned earlier, tv shows and celebrities and middle school mean girls, they all point us toward anything but God to determine our worth: Our finances. Our Instagram followers. Our vacations. Our relationship status. Our career. Our clothing. Our family make up. Our education. You name it. 

Once you start seeing it, you’ll notice it everywhere. 

And each time can be an opportunity for us to practice honoring God by honoring that essential dignity given to us. 

When we’re tempted to devalue God’s goodness in our creation, we can remember: 

• My worth comes from the Creator, who said it was good.

• God created my body with intention and beauty.

• God’s dignity cannot be taken away away from me.

• Perfect or not, my body as a woman has the unique possibility to do miraculous things: ovulate eggs for conception, bring new life into the world through pregnancy, sustain young life through lactation.

• God made me uniquely. No one else can be me; No soul will ever duplicate my own. No body will ever mirror mine. These things are because I am loved, and I am valuable to God.

All this value doesn’t come from us. And that is such a freeing thing! That means it can’t be taken away, downgraded, or altered in any way by us. Nothing - not poverty, or sickness, sin, status, brokenness, or death - can take it away. Not constant bleeding, not anovulatory cycles. Not weight changes, not abuse. Not infertility, not the opinions of others.

You can’t add to your worth, and you can never lose it. 

You are worthy. Your body is precious. Your soul is significant. 

You will have difficult challenges in your life - every single one of us does - and some of them will be physical. I’m not trying, in any way, to diminish the pain of infertility, or the frustration of confusing cycles, or the hurt of belittling comments or thoughts. 

They’re real, and they hurt, and they may be a daily challenge for you in this season. 

And when that happens, It’s okay to cry or feel pain - even though none of us want to. But we can fight the temptation to believe that those things that hurt us so deeply are also chipping away at our dignity - are crumbling our value and our worth. 

Because the only one that can accurately measure those is God - and God has ensured your value by weaving it in to your very DNA. 

That changes what self love means a bit, doesn’t it? I’m not against the self love movement - the opposite is self hate, and that's no good. But the self love is so much deeper and richer than the common use of the term.  

So how can we all practice self love in a way that honors the dignity of the human body? Here are 5 ways to start. 

1. Give it what it needs. 

Incorporate rest into your days. Put it on the calendar. Incorporate it daily and weekly. Stay hydrated. Nourish your body. Surround yourself with a good community. Prioritize your safety. 

And what do I mean by that? If we are valuable, then we can respect our bodies by our 
2nd point: protecting our bodies. Whether that’s from abuse, toxic relationships, maybe from harmful chemicals or pesticides or hormones. 

3. let your body speak to you, and respect what it has to say. 

You came out of the womb knowing how to tell when you’re hungry or thirsty, but our body has many other ways it’s communicating to us about needs.  

Learn to tell when your body shows you early signs of stress or anxiety, and then prioritize rest and healthy activities like walking or journaling when you see those signs. 

Learn how your body reveals where you are in your menstrual cycle, so you can know what it needs and can respond according to your fertility intention. 

4. Ensure your worth comes from God, and not men. Literally men. haha. And humanity! Either one! Both. Their standards are impossible and their favor is fickle. Remind yourself of the love God imprinted into your very DNA. 

And lastly, 5. Worship God with your body. We mentioned earlier how you can participate through baptism, communion, and service. But solitude, fasting, even dance - are all ways you can connect and worship God through your body. 

You, just as you are, hair color or no hair, tall or short, smooth skin or rough, any diagnosis, any physical or mental capabilities, growing womb or empty - you were made with beauty, and purpose, and dignity - to delight in relationship with God, your Creator. 

Thank you for listening as we all explore together what it truly means to be woven well.