Ep. 74: Client Story - Karlyn (Advocacy)
Caitlin Estes:
Welcome to the Woven Well Podcast. I'm your host, Caitlin Estes. I'm a certified fertility care practitioner with a master divinity degree. Each episode will cover a topic that helps educate and empower you and your fertility while honoring the deep connection your fertility has with your faith. Let's get started.
Caitlin Estes:
Back to the Woven Well podcast. I believe that a part of empowering and educating women is connecting them with other women on the same journey. And that's why we have episodes devoted to hearing the fertility journey of a woman who is a part of woven Whatever your situation or fertility goal, the fertility journey can feel isolating. But I assure you there is a whole community of women out there asking the same questions that you are. Karlyn is a beautiful example of that. I have been working with her for several months and have so appreciated her heart for learning and community and advocacy. She's a 31 year old Pennsylvania transplant who's been married to her husband Cody for five years. She and her husband are hoping to conceive a pregnancy and are working diligently on addressing reproductive health issues that may be standing in the way. So I'm excited for you to hear her story. And Karlyn, I am so glad that you are with us today.
Karlyn:
Thanks so much. Thanks for having me. Yeah, so my periods were never, ever regular and I didn't really figure out that there was anything wrong with that until just a couple of years ago in college. I was told by my gynecologist that I probably have anovulatory cycles, and that's pretty much all that was said about that. But then the rest of our kind of fertility health journey has been a little bit rocky. Hormonal birth control for us at the beginning of marriage was a nightmare. And as soon as I was on my husband's insurance, we switched to the copper IUD so we wouldn't have the hormones, you know, interfering with things. And as I was tracking things without the birth control interfering with stuff, things just started to not really make sense to me. Like basal body temperature. I had no idea Creighton was a thing at that time.
Karlyn:
So I was just kind of googling all the things and trying to do all the things. Yeah, counting my cycle days. And I brought my concerns to my gynecologist and she told me no, like fertility clinic would see me unless we'd been trying to conceive for 12 months with no success. Yeah. So I was pretty upset about that because I just, I mean, even when my periods weren't regular way back in high school and in college, I, I kind of had a feeling like this can't really be right. Yeah. So anyway, long story short, I found out that I have severe PCOS and I don't ovulate on my own. I wanted to understand what is PCOS and does it matter to the rest of my health? Will it matter to our babies? So we wanted to do some research and pursue lifestyle changes, to try to support ovulation. and then in 2021, I found this online bible study infertility support group that's called Waiting in Hope. And one of my friends in the group mentioned Napro. And that was the first time I had ever heard about that. And so I did all the research and turns out there was a practice nearby and they told me about woven fertility. Actually, they told me I had to see you before I could, be seen at their practice. Because I had to learn how to chart with Creighton. And here we are. Yeah.
Caitlin Estes:
Thanks so much for sharing all of that. You had the sense that there should be more to this, and I love that you found out you had PCOS and you wanted to take the time to understand it. And I think a lot of women feel that same way. They get on, if you've heard previous episodes, you'll hear me use the word, the infertility conveyor belt or one thing after another just starts happening to you and you don't feel like you have any control about the direction it's heading. Yeah. Yes. But I feel like from the very beginning, you stepped off of the conveyor belt and said, wait a minute, I just want to take a minute to really digest this news, this diagnosis, and see what does this mean for me? What does this mean for my family and what does this mean for my future? So we've talked a lot about the role of advocacy in our conversations personally. advocacy is incredibly important. It is necessary, but it doesn't mean that it's easy . Right. And I know that it's been a struggle for you at different points. So why has advocating for yourself become such a key aspect to your healthcare?
Karlyn:
It really became important to me when I realized I'm going to keep getting stung if I don't start speaking up. Because I felt like I was getting fed just kind of piecemeal information. I just always felt like it was such a surface level. I didn't understand the, the really big picture. A big wake up call for me was when I did get diagnosed with PCOS. And I started thinking back all those years ago when my gynecologist had just told me kind of offhand, like, yeah, you probably have anovulatory cycles. Just the way she said. It was like, you have the stomach bug. Like, it wasn't anything like I thought I should be worried about and she's the doctor, like she would tell me, right. If it was really, really bad for me. I don't know. Just the more I've learned about it, the more I've realized I can't keep making really big life-changing decisions on this tiny little, like, postage stamp of information.
Karlyn:
It's just not worth it. I did not want to keep getting stung. So when I started with the Napro doctor, I was super encouraged that they had like a holistic data-driven approach to infertility treatment, but I kind of felt like I was suntil getting canned answers from my doctor. And their approach was so different than the other fertility clinic that it, I felt like I had to really wrap my mind around a whole different approach. And I was just talking this through with you in one of our sessions, and you were the one who was like, you know, you can ask for a different Doctor. And I was like, well really? And you were like, yes, definitely. If it's not a good fit and you don't feel good about it, switch.
Caitlin Estes:
That's right.
Karlyn:
Yeah, I just figured, you know what, that couldn't hurt. I can't be any worse off than I am right now. And because you said it was okay and you're reliable professional and you've been in this field for a long time, I felt like I had the permission, I guess, to, to ask to switch. And they let me switch and they let me book with a different doctor, and the new doctor is a way better fit. So I think that was kind of part of the beginning of my realization, okay, I can say what I need and it can help. Yes. So I should do that more often, .
Caitlin Estes:
Yes. And that sounds like an important piece of it because it is challenging for anyone to advocate for themselves to speak up. Like even if that is something that typically comes naturally to you, something about doing it within this setting, it feels like what right do I have? You know, like I'm just the patient, so what should I say? So are there other things that you feel like helped you to move from a place where you were hesitant to speak up to really feeling that empowerment to do so?
Karlyn:
My journey towards like advocacy, confidence has really involved looking at why I'm hesitant to ask questions to begin with and I think most of that really boils down to fear for me. I, I mean, my husband even told me, like when we first started dating, he was like, I mean, I'm pretty sure you have like a phobia of being an inconvenience. Like, it's like it's very deeply rooted. And I realized, oh my gosh, yes, I do. Like that really drives like 90, nope, just a hundred percent of what I do and how I do things. So I feel like I'm, I'm still in recovery from my phobia of being an inconvenience.
Caitlin Estes:
And how many women listening can connect with that, the fear of being an inconvenience. I live in the south and I think a lot of times within the south, we think that that's just always a thing. Women always struggle with that. But as we mentioned, you live in Pennsylvania, so you are not in the south. And it is so it's not just a southern thing. Thank you for sharing that. Keep going!
Karlyn:
It also kind of created for me a lot of like kind of alternate realities, but I guess I was living out of as if they were real, like a big one I had to catch myself living out of was just this feeling that like, everything is riding. I'm making sure this doctor likes me, like somehow I'm not going to get the care I need or the information I need. If she feels threatened by me or if I've made her day worse today, then she needed it to be, A lot of it comes from a good place. We want to make people happy, we want to make their lives better, and we want to do unto others as we would have them do unto us. I think we just get it kind of twisted, or at least I know I can speak from my own experience. I, I get it kind of twisted.
Karlyn:
The one thing that's been super helpful for me is my husband is amazing. Cody is Superman and he's been such a rock through this entire process, and he is a chemical engineer, so he's very, very sciencey. And he comes with me to every appointment that he can make it to. There's only been a handful that he can't come to. And so it's been really, really good because as he's been in the appointments with me, he asks all his little sciencey kind of questions and he has become kind of the angel on my shoulder when I'm in an appointment by myself or when I'm on the phone with a healthcare provider. And I just, I can hear Cody asking me like, well, did you ask them this? Or did you ask them this? one of the things he likes to ask our healthcare providers is, what happens if we don't X, Y, or Z?
Karlyn:
I would never think of asking that, because to me that sounds like too much of, like I'm questioning their authority, but I've noticed that asking that question really helps them explain the situation from a totally different angle. And it helps me wrap my mind around the whole situation and all the factors involved. that's been super helpful for me, in, in just learning how to push, push things forward and get the information I need. Yeah. I've also found that I have to make a lot of compromises with my fear. I have to ask things like, is it okay if I do some research on this and then get back to you? And I have found that people rarely say no, but feeling like I've, I have permission now makes me feel more confident that, okay, whatever I'm doing right now is okay.
Karlyn:
And that's right. I, I wish that I was further along in my advocacy confidence journey, but I'm not, I'm right here and all of these fears are right here and the need to advocate for myself is right here. So I, I find myself trying to navigate kind of all these opposing forces and I found that information is really an excellent weapon in all of that. I, I think realizing that the more information I'm armed with, the more I feel equipped to care about my health and articulate how much I care about my health because no one else is as invested in my health as I am.
Caitlin Estes:
Absolutely.
Karlyn:
Doctors are amazing. Doctors know a ton. Bbut they don't know me. So naturally I'm not going to feel like they're as invested in my health as I want them to be. But I do actually need to give you a shout out here, Caitlin. And I am sorry I did not give you a heads up.
Caitlin Estes:
Uh oh!
Karlyn:
This is one of the like 497 reasons why working with you has made such a massive difference in this journey for me is because you know me. So you're like this wise older sister that I never had who also happens to have a master's degree, and this enormous wealth of fertility knowledge. And there's so much inspiration when I meet with you and encouragement to me to advocate for myself because you know me and with the exception of my husband and some family members, and you, no one else cares about my health or as is as invested in my health as I am.
Caitlin Estes:
Well first of all, thank you so much. That is so kind of you to say. and I really appreciate that, and it is, I say this, but I truly mean it. It is a privilege to get to walk with women and to help them see what you're describing right now to me. I hear you saying that you are worth advocating for and you are learning that it's okay to ask questions. It's okay to ask why it's okay to take time and that, you know, because we all can realize this, that no one else is going to care as much as we care. That's just a part of being a human. You know, as you said, that's nothing against the doctors or the medical field or anything like that. That is just how it works. We are our best advocate. And seeing your journey through that has been a beautiful thing. Absolutely. A beautiful thing. So I appreciate you sharing that.
Karlyn:
I think the other thing that I've had to learn is the other party that cares a lot about this process is Jesus. God is really invested in this whole thing. And I think honestly, even outside of like trying to conquer fear, the biggest learning curve in all of this for me has been learning to lean on our greatest advocate. Jesus. Yeah. I mean, he tells us in the book of First John, I think that he's the one. It says Jesus Christ the righteous. He is our advocate. And in Romans we read who can condemn us Christ Jesus is the one who died more than that, who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Yeah. And that's all wrapped up in the same passage that talks about if God is for us, who can be against us. He who did not spare his own son, but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? And so when I, I think about those kinds of things, I just think, this is crazy. Jesus died and rose again for my sin. This healthcare thing is nothing. And so understanding his love for me and understanding just how invested he is in me from every angle helps me to feel like, okay, nobody, nobody needs me to be asking just the right questions in just the right way for me to get the best care possible. I don't need to be afraid of being too much trouble. I don't need to be afraid of messing this up. Jesus has my back. Yeah. Even in this, and he is advocating for me, I really cannot mess this up. And so I just feel like the more I've learned that this whole infertility thing is truly a process that's informed by the actual death and resurrection of Jesus, that gives me a place where I can return to every time the fear and the despair creeps in. I find perfect love in that place. And we know perfect love casts out fear. So the biggest part of this entire journey for me, even outside of like the practical steps I've taken to try to learn how to advocate for myself, is learning how to cultivate that spot in my heart where I can return to and I know what's true and that has given me the greatest confidence and the greatest piece that this is all going to be. Okay.
Caitlin Estes:
Yes. Oh, how beautifully said, we cannot know our outcome, whatever our story is, because we each have slightly different stories. We can't know the outcome, but we can know that God will be incredibly faithful along the journey and will be with us each step of the way and that God has good for us in the end, whatever it looks like. Whatever it looks like. Karlyn, thank you so much for sharing so much of your heart, so much of your story, and just being willing to be with us and be vulnerable with us today.
Karlyn:
Absolutely. Thanks so much for having me, Caitlin.
Caitlin Estes:
Yes. I'm so glad. Listeners, our woven community both here on the podcast and all those who are a part of woven natural fertility care, they make it a really special place. We ask honest questions about our fertility and our faith. We believe that our bodies were made with beauty and with purpose, that we are intimately designed and loved by our creator, and that fertility plays a meaningful role in our lives. I would love for you to be a part of that community. Our website@wovenfertility.com has tons of free resources and a way to sign up for our newsletter. That's also a great way to hear from me and woven once a month. But if you're feeling ready to get started and use Creighton for your health and fertility like Karlyn has, then I want to invite you to our next introductory session. It's the perfect way to learn more and get started with Creighton. You can register@wovenfertility.com slash join us. We are so glad you're here. Thanks so much for listening. As we continue to explore together what it means to be woven well.