Ep. 67: For Men - How & Why your Creighton Participation Matters
Welcome back to the Woven Well Podcast!
I realize that most of our episodes are specifically geared toward our female audience. I think that makes sense, since the majority of our listeners are women. But, as we know, men are involved in this realm, too! Very much so. And this episode is for you, men.
You may be all too familiar with what Creighton is, or you may be investigating it for the first time. Maybe your fiancé has just let you know she doesn’t want to take hormonal contraception, and you’re both researching what your other options are. Maybe you’re married and tired of using condoms to avoid pregnancy. Maybe you’ve been wrestling with moral concerns about birth control, discovered Creighton and want to give it a try. There are many reasons why you may have discovered or been sent this episode. But my hope is that in this short time, you’ll get to hear a helpful message about what Creighton is, and how you can be an active part of its use in your relationship.
So let’s start with answering that important question: what is Creighton?
Creighton is a long established system for making natural, informed family planning choices and for monitoring, evaluating, and maintaining a woman’s gynecological health. All by utilizing the cervical mucus produced by a woman’s body throughout her menstrual cycle.
It helps women work with trusted, trained doctors to get to the root cause of reproductive health concerns like PMS, painful periods, irregular cycles, and more. And it empowers couples to know exactly when they are fertile and infertile, so that they can make informed decisions to either avoid pregnancy or achieve pregnancy naturally.
It is truly an incredible system, formalized after years of study, at the start of the 1980s. It’s extremely standardized, and its accepted in many medical fields. It’s a very black and white system, so you don’t feel bogged down by “what if” scenarios. You’ll know on any given day if you all are fertile or infertile, and can make decisions accordingly.
For couples using Creighton to avoid pregnancy, it’s been proven to be 99.5% effective. (This is actually higher than hormonal birth control….) For those hoping to achieve a pregnancy, they’re 76% likely to conceive the first cycle of use. Those hoping to conceive and dealing with infertility, are 80% likely to conceive a pregnancy within the first year of Creighton and Napro use. It’s effective.
Now, since it’s based on the awareness of cervical mucus, it may seem like this is a system just for women. But I promise, it’s meant for you, too!
Fertility is not a solo venture. It’s humanely impossible. It’s medically impossible. Single women undergoing IVF still have to get a male sperm donation.
There’s no getting around it: males and females are equal parts in the creation of life.
We’d LIKE to think that we can just take the whole “creation of life” piece out of physical intimacy all together. And boy, have we tried as a culture. Barriers, hormones, injections, implants, surgeries - we’ve tried it all. But did you know that one out of every 200 women who have had their tubes tied still conceive every year? Out of 1,000 vasectomies, 2 still conceive each year. Certainly, the number is lower than the alternative. But the point is this - we can physically alter our bodies. We can pump in hormones and insert devices and all sorts of things. And still, there is no 100% effective way to avoid pregnancy outside of abstinence.
So as much as some of us would like to simply pluck out that pesky part of physical intimacy, we have to face the facts: sex and babies are connected.
Here at Woven Natural Fertility Care, we’d like to suggest that maybe this is a good thing. An intentional design by God for our good and God’s glory. Maybe there’s something meaningful and important for us in the fact that sex and babies are connected.
A system like Creighton acknowledges this connection. Instead of trying to rip these things apart, it honors the connection and works in light of it. That’s a totally different approach. But one that can bring a lot of peace and healing to the process.
I can’t make the decision for you about what method you should use to plan your family. Each couple has to make that decision together. I’m always going to be a big fan of Creighton. I’ve seen it be incredibly helpful for so many women and couples. But not every couple is going to feel like it’s the right option for them, and that’s to be expected. But if you’re interested in learning more about what Creighton is and how it works, I encourage you to go back to our BASIC series and listen to the first few episodes that go over more of that information.
If you think Creighton is for you, or you’re already practicing Creighton, then I’d like to share some practical ways for you to be involved, and how involvement can help you use Creighton, and maybe even benefit your marriage.
Sometimes I get a funny look from men when I encourage them to be a part of the Creighton process. “And just how am I supposed to be involved in her cervical mucus observations?”
Yes, cervical mucus is a huge part of a couple’s success with this system. But so is your participation.
We’ve already established that a woman cannot be fertile on her own. The same for a man. Your fertility is a joint venture.
Each month, she will be fertile for somewhere around a week. Men, on the other hand, are fertile every single day. Every day!
When you choose to come together, you’re embracing one another in every possible way - physically, emotionally, relationally, and reproductively. You’re embracing one another, even your fertility, fully, totally, completely. It’s simply one part of who we are as people, made with beauty and intention by God who designed us for our good and God’s glory.
So actively participating, and showing her that you acknowledge and embrace this? That you accept her wholly: physically, emotionally, even reproductively? That you love all parts of her, and want her to love all parts of you? What an expression of love.
That kind of teamwork and partnership is empowering, and relieving! You don’t know the burden women carry on their shoulders with the pressure the potential of pregnancy can hold. Relieve her of that burden by carrying it with her.
You can do that in very practical ways, like charting her observations. She’ll still make the actual observations, but then she can share it with you at the end of the day and you can chart it together. This shares the process, keeps conversation open, and allows you to be an active part of the process. You may even notice things that she doesn’t. Maybe you’re noticing that her mood changes right before her period starts. There’s a natural, restorative medical treatment for that! Maybe you notice that the quality of her cycle is declining the last few months, or that the stress she’s going through is affecting her cycle. Your input is important and your advocacy for her is unmatched. Just like no one can know her body like she can, no one on earth can love her like you can.
That means you can help advocate for her needs. Point out changes that you notice. Go to the doctors appointment with her, to help her remember her questions and make sure she is heard and valued as she should be. I’ve seen husbands be fierce advocates for the health and wellbeing of their wives. Strong, mighty women still benefit from the love of a husband who stands up for her physical needs and ensures they are met.
You can also participate in the Creighton process by simply asking questions. And please, not just “are you fertile?” Or, for those who already know Creighton, “is it a green day?” I mean questions that show her that her physical health matters to you and that you’re using this system with her. Ask her how she’s feeling, show interest in the process, ask her if there’s something you can do to help. Maybe you ask her about her stress level or help her remember to make observations with encouraging reminders. There are definitely better options than “are you fertile?” But speaking of that…
Even the language you use when talking about fertility can be a way to show your partnership in your fertility. I can see how “are you fertile” could be a valid question. But considering men are fertile every day, this question could make it sound like it’s her fault that you all may choose not to be intimate. One way to truly be a partnership in this is to acknowledge that you're only fertile together. So maybe even rephrasing the question to, “are we fertile?” could be a step toward doing that.
The goal isn’t to stay quiet in hopes that you don’t say the wrong thing. The antidote to that fear is to talk as openly as you can about this part of your relationship. It may take some practice at first - just like all forms of intimacy take practice when you first get married. Practice. Make mistakes together. Discuss what’s helpful and what’s not. Brainstorm ways to work together. Be as open as you can. Let her know that you’re comfortable talking about these things. And if you’re not, let her know that you’re wiling to get more comfortable. It will only help your marriage, I promise.
To be so known and loved fully, to be in a partnership with such open communication about something that she likely feels very conscious about, it is unifying and bonding, in and of itself.
And let me mention this: There is often an assumption or a fear that couples using some form of natural family planning have very scheduled intercourse. During those first few weeks of learning, that’s probably true. We’re teaching you how to use the system and we want to make sure you can do it successfully while learning. But after that, the more you know, the more involved you can be in deciding which days, and what time of day, to be together.
Many times, women may be the ones to initiate which days a couple may be together, simply because they know the cycle chart and they know if you’re fertile or not. This isn’t always a bad thing! But If you know whether or not you’re fertile as a couple that day, you can initiate things, too! Spontaneity, on both sides, is not lost with those who use Creighton.
In fact, I’m convinced that a couple has more days to be together when they are actively using the system together, because there is less uncertainty and less pressure.
Sometimes I’ll look at a client’s chart and we’ll review all the days that were days of infertility, and she’ll mentioned that she wished they had been intimate more of those days, but she didn’t say anything to her husband because she wasn’t 100% sure or she kept thinking through how bad it would be if she got pregnant accidentally.
This is a beautiful opportunity for your support to make all the difference in the world! When she has you to talk this through with… when she doesn’t feel like it’s her alone making the decision about whether or not you should be together; it is incredibly freeing for her. You are both using the system more confidently, more relaxed, and… more frequently.
So, as a little summary: here are the ways you can be an active participant in the use of Creighton with your wife:
Offer to chart her observations
Be an advocate for her health
Ask questions and invest in the process
Respect how your bodies were made to function together
Speak in ways that make this clear
Talk openly together; practice being a true partnership together in this area of your marriage
But you don’t have to just take my word for it! We have previous episodes of the Woven Well podcast where we interview couples who talk about their experience. I’d love for you to hear directly from them. Episodes 17 and 35 are ones to listen to, for sure.
If you have questions about Creighton, or how to do any of the things we talked about today, I’d love to hear from you. You all won’t be walking through this alone. You’ll have the help of an experienced guide, a certified fertility care practitioner who has taught for over 5 years at the time of this recording.
You have the potential to show love to your wife in incredibly meaningful ways. You have the ability to advocate for her good and for her health. You can take the burden off of her shoulders and make this a true partnership, so that you all can use the system confidently and effectively, as a team. I’d love to help you do those things!
The first step, if you haven’t already begun using Creighton, is to attend the next Introductory Session. It will go over what Creighton is, how to use it, anatomy and physiology, and all the other basics you’ll need to get started as a couple.
If you’ve already started using Creighton, I want to encourage you to come to follow ups! Men are always welcome at each follow up, and that’s a great way to start participating. It’s hard to do any of the things mentioned with our learning a bit about Creighton to begin with. So join us at her next follow up! I’d love to meet you there.
Thanks so much for listening to today’s episode as we continue to explore together what it means to be woven well.