Ep. 52: Sherelle’s Story (Infertility Community)
Caitlin Estes:
Welcome to the Woven Well Podcast. I'm your host, Caitlin Estes. I'm a certified fertility care practitioner with a master divinity degree. Each episode will cover a topic that helps educate and empower you and your fertility while honoring the deep connection your fertility has with your faith. Let's get started.
Caitlin Estes:
I believe that a part of empowering and educating women is to connect them with other women on the same journey. That's why we'll sometimes have episodes devoted to hearing the fertility journey of one of the women who are a part of, or friends of woven, whatever your situation or fertility goal, it can sometimes feel isolating, but there is a whole community of women out there asking the same questions you are. So today we welcome Sherelle to the podcast. I actually first connected with Sherelle on Instagram where she really shares openly about her fertility journey and her brand she experienced, which seeks to empower every woman to see God's purpose in everything she experienced. Sherelle, thanks so much for joining us today.
Sherelle Gilbert:
Thank you for having me. I am so excited and just so thankful, you know, for this opportunity.
Caitlin Estes:
I'm thankful too. Absolutely. So, as you know, woven well podcast is a space where we talk openly about fertility and faith and how those two things intersect really so deeply and you speak openly about your faith journey in the midst of seeking to grow your family. And I know that for you all, that's been a very long journey already. So how long have you and your husband been trying to grow your family?
Sherelle Gilbert:
So we have been trying, I would say since 2016. Okay. That was when we kind of decided that we would kind of try without trying and, so we started I would say probably about 2016. And then after a year of trying and not being successful, that's when I kind of spoke to my ob and things just kind of took a turn from there. So, 2017 is when our journey like officially began.
Caitlin Estes:
Okay. And that's a long journey because we're recording this in 2022. Yes. And I'm sure there have been a ton of ups and downs in that process.
Sherelle Gilbert:
so many ups and downs. So we have already done, , three rounds of I V F. . We've had two miscarriages, one being twins, and our most recent embryo transfer failed. So we've lost a total of four babies. , I've had multiple surgeries. It's just been a very trying and, and long journey. And, , never would I have imagined that my journey to motherhood would look like this. But I remember, remember when I first, , started, or right before I began fertility treatment, I told God to use me. And I didn't know what this journey would look like, but because in the past when I've gone through seasons of waiting and praying for God to, to bless me or to come through with something, I would spend those seasons depressed and anxious and worried. And because I didn't know how long I was going to be on this fertility journey, I didn't want to spend it that way. Like, I wanted to learn what it means to wait. Well. So that's why I just kind of made this deal , if you will, with God. I just said, you know, use me and teach me how to wait. Well, like you can, whatever you need me to do on this journey, I'll do it. But I don't want to spend, I don't want to waste this season. So whatever you need to do, do it. And I call that a dangerous prayer because looking back, , it's like, are you crazy? ,
Sherelle Gilbert:
Why would you ask God to use you? But you know, even in the midst of all the loss and the disappointment, I can honestly say that, , there have been some blessings and I'm, I'm thankful honestly to be used by God. So, and
Caitlin Estes:
When you think about God's going to do what God's going to do. But you started this with such an openness to, to God and whatever God was going to do. I I think that is so powerful because it leaves you open to the movement of the spirit to Yes, your eyes are open to how God may be moving and what's beyond this moment. And there is something really life-changing and comforting and peaceful in knowing that God is faithful beyond circstances. Yes.
Sherelle Gilbert:
Yes.
Caitlin Estes:
I think your openness in that way really helps to pave the way to that understanding. As you walk through, you said, I didn't know how long this process is going to be. That right there is a wonderful perspective to start with because you don't know. But that openness, I love you sharing that because I think that really does transform how you walk this road.
Sherelle Gilbert:
It really does. It really does. Yeah.
Caitlin Estes:
Yes. Well, I appreciate you sharing all of that. I know it is a very vulnerable thing to share your story and you are so willing to do that. And I appreciate it so much. And I know the listeners do too. And many of our listeners, and we've talked about this, but our particular listeners are sometimes looking for an alternative to the IVF path or have walked down that road and are seeking restorative healthcare, which is something we talk about a lot on our podcast, but even if many of our listeners haven't walked through something like ivf, they know what it's like to walk through infertility. You know, we are on this journey together as a community of women and we know what it's like, especially to walk that road as women of faith. Yes. So during your maybe posting on Instagram or your brand that you've developed Yeah. You have developed that community over the past several years . . So, , I'd love to hear a little bit more about your faith community.
Sherelle Gilbert:
Yes. So it was always from the beginning, important for me to have God on this journey. I just feel like it's because of him that I'm even able to talk about my journey. So it was also important for me to connect with like-minded women, women of faith who are going through infertility, who can pray for each other, who can encourage each other. I just feel like that is just so important. And the Bible talks about the importance of community and the thing about infertility is that it can have you feeling isolated and there's nothing greater that Satan wants is for his people to feel like they're isolated, or to get them isolated or to feel like they're alone and like nobody else understands. Or like they're on this journey by themselves. And I didn't want to do that. I saw that there were so many women who were on this journey who were suffering in silence.
Sherelle Gilbert:
And for me, I was like, I refuse, you know, I don't know how long I'm going to be on this journey. So I refuse to allow the enemy to keep me isolated, to keep me bound by feelings that, you know, are , you know, are against what God wants me for me. And I, , it was for me so important to not only speak about my faith, but like I said, find other women and lock arms with women who are on the same journey, but also women who know how to pray, women who know how to encourage. Because there are times where I may be going through something and there's a another woman in the community who I met maybe via uh, Instagram, and I can message her and you know, she knows what I'm going through. I know what she's going through and we can encourage each other.
Sherelle Gilbert:
Yes. I just feel like that's so different from, you know, maybe a friend who that you have that's not going through infertility. It's different when they are maybe on this journey with you or they've been there and they know about it. It just hits different. So I just, I'm so thankful for the community of women that I've been able to just kind of create on social media and lock arms with. And I just encourage anybody who's listening, who's not a part of some type of community of women on this journey to really get connected because it's, it's needed on this journey.
Caitlin Estes:
I could not agree with you more. We are all about community at woven. And so hearing you talk about the important role that it's played in your life is just echoes what we believe very deeply. And there is nothing like the bond that you experience with someone who's walking the same journey with you in the same moment. And what a grace from God that we have those other people who are walking the same journey because it is, like you said, a reminder, we are not alone. We have God walking with us and we have our brothers and sisters walking with us as well. And I know that a lot of times we would love to have that support from the local church. From the corporate church and some churches do it really, really well and others struggle a little bit with that. But in those moments, I want to remind others that each one of us are the church.
Sherelle Gilbert:
Yes.
Caitlin Estes:
Every single one of us are the living breathing church. And so we can have that support one another With one another as well. , you started a series called She Experienced Infertility, where you interview other women who are walking that path of infertility from a place of faith. Yes. And I just want to mention that because I think it is such a fruitful, constant conversation. You're doing that through Instagram Live, is that correct?
Sherelle Gilbert:
Yes
Caitlin Estes:
Yes. And it seems like it's just been such a wonderful aspect of your ministry, so thank you for offering that and I hope listeners will take advantage of it. Yes. And find you on Instagram and listen along as well. So of course, another great relationship that we think about is the relationship between husband and wife. And you talk openly about your relationship with your husband and how you all journey through this together. Sometimes very seriously, sometimes lightheartedly. I appreciate both. So what are some of the ways that you all have supported one another during this time?
Sherelle Gilbert:
Yes. So my husband is amazing. He has been the biggest supporter on this journey, obviously, because he's going through it as well. But he's so attentive to me and my feelings and I do the same to him in return. , when we first went through a miscarriage back in 2020, it was tough for the both of us. Yeah. But he was just so in tune with me and how I was feeling. And we, we navigated through that together. But I realized that when women experience pregnancy loss, the attention is more so on the woman. There's not as much attention given to the man because the woman, you know, obviously she physically went through that, but it's a loss for both of them. You know, they were both invested in that pregnancy, the same, you know, with me and my husband. Absolutely. So when we went through our second miscarriage the following year, we lost our twins, I was like, okay, I recognized last time that there was so much attention given to me, but I want to know how you're doing.
Sherelle Gilbert:
And that really, I think it changed the game for him, because he was like, he didn't realize that he wasn't attending to his own feelings. He wasn't, , I guess as open or as honest about his feelings because he was more so felt like he had to be strong for me. And that was like the turning point for us in our, , I would say in our transparency or our connection on this journey. I just gave him permission to share how he was feeling. And since then, he'll, he'll say, you know, if it, if he needs a break, he'll say, you know, let's take a break or let's keep going. But it, I think it's just so important to be intentional about checking in with each other. Not just the husband checking in with the spouse, but or the, the wife. But the wife checking in with the husband as well.
Sherelle Gilbert:
Because a lot of times men want to be strong and they don't deal with their emotions or their feelings and they don't even realize that they have, you know, this stuff that they haven't dealt with or haven't let out. And I think we have done a good job with that. And, and it's not just us, you know, we also have spoken with a therapist that's helped a lot. Yeah. So I just think it's important for us, you know, as a couple, because we are going through this to make sure that we're taking care of each other. , and one thing, and I share this on Instagram, is that my husband is the leg back, you know, type, not many things worry him or stress him out. But I'm the one that's super, you know, anxious. You know, things stress me out pretty easily. But he, I call him the worry police because if I'm worried, he's like, why are you worried?
Sherelle Gilbert:
You know, God's going to handle this. He always does. And then he'll say, remember when this happened and you were worried and God came through. Like he will go through so many times where I was worried and then God came through. So I'm thankful for that because infertility creates a lot of an anxiety. Yes. A lot of worry. But I have a husband who won't let me sit in the worry, you know, he'll say, okay, you know, it's understandable, you can worry about this, but we're not going to stay there. You know, we're going to be reminded of the times that God has come through and be encouraged to know that he's going to come through again. How
Caitlin Estes:
Beautiful. There is so much in that that I love and feel like I want to just to emphasize the intentionality for both of you. Yeah. To be intentional with one another and to provide that space to be vulnerable. And for it to be okay for you. It's okay to share your anxiety, share your fears, your worries. For him it's okay to share that more emotional side, his concerns, how he's feeling that you both know that you can be open with one another about when you need to take a break about when you're really struggling, maybe about when you want to be a little more lighthearted with it all. Yeah. And that so transforms any relationship as you're walking through something hard. Yes. That you all know that you can lean on one another during that time. Yes. I love too that he reminds you of God's faithfulness in your own lives.
Sherelle Gilbert:
Oh yes.
Caitlin Estes:
That just, I think about the Old Testament and how many times they went back and told the stories of God's faithfulness as they were walking through something difficult. They would go back and tell about Moses taking the Israelites out of Egypt and providing the manna and, and this is a reminder that God is faithful, God's love is steadfast. And that's just such a beautiful picture that you all remind each other Yeah. Of that in the process. So thank you for sharing all of that. That's great.
Sherelle Gilbert:
Of course.
Caitlin Estes:
So what advice, I would love to hear this. What advice would you share with our listeners who may be looking for a community, whether that's greater community with their spouse or a faith community to kinda share this fertility journey with?
Sherelle Gilbert:
Uh, one of the things I would say in, you know, this has helped me on the journey is to be open and honest. You know, about what it is that you need first and foremost with God. And that's one of the things that I learned on this journey, is that God can handle our honesty. He can handle our feelings no matter how big or how small. And then with your spouse as well. I think sometimes also we may be nervous about how our husbands may respond to certain things, but I think you may be surprised at their reaction. They may feel the same way that you feel. It may not be this huge response that you're afraid of. So just I feel like that honesty and being, , transparent within yourself is just so helpful. And that's helped me a lot on this journey. I learned that about with God being real and raw in my worship and prayer time with God has been so essential on this journey. So, and then of course definitely connect, you know, via social media. It's a helpful tool.
Caitlin Estes:
That is great. And if someone wanted to connect with you , what would be the best way for them to do that?
Sherelle Gilbert:
Yes. So on Instagram you can find me, Sherelle Gilbert is my personal page and my brand page is she experienced brand. So you can find me both pages on Instagram and I always say like, my dms are open,. There's been so many times I've had long conversations with women in the dms about infertility and, and miscarriage. So my dms are always open. I also have a YouTube page, Sherelle Gilbert, where I share my fertility journey. I have actually a couple videos coming up this month. I've been delayed with putting them up, but I have a couple coming up this month where I share a little bit more of what's been up with our journey. And then also on TikTok Sherelle Gilbert, so you can find me also on Facebook, Sherelle Gilbert. So all things. Reach out to me. I'm always willing and, and love connecting with other women, especially women on this journey. , it really is a passion of mine, so don't hesitate to reach out.
Caitlin Estes:
Well, we will make sure to have all of those linked in the show notes, so if anyone's interested, you can find Sherelle there, whichever platform works best for you. Yeah. But Sherelle thank you so much for taking the time Yeah. For sharing your story and what God's been up to in your life.
Sherelle Gilbert:
Of course. Thank you for having me.
Caitlin Estes:
So for those listening, we hope this episode has been an encouraging reminder of the impact a faith community can have as you walk your own fertility journey, whatever that may look like. So we at Woven Fertility are all about community and faith and education and empowerment around your fertility. We would love to connect with you and know that you're listening. So we have great free resources on our website@wovenfertility.com. And you can message us there or on Instagram at woven fertility. We would love to be a part of your community. As always, thanks for listening as we continue to explore together what it means to be woven well.