Ep. 141: Healing after Birth Control - Grace's Story
Caitlin:
Welcome to the Woven Well Podcast. I'm your host, Caitlin Estes. I'm a certified fertility care practitioner with a master of divinity degree. Each episode will cover a topic that helps educate and empower you and your fertility while honoring the deep connection your fertility has with your faith. Let's get started.
Caitlin:
Welcome back to the Woven Well podcast. We have another client story today, and you know that these are some of my favorite episodes to record, because I think it's really easy to feel alone and isolated. Certainly, there's no one else out there dealing with the issues that I'm dealing with, asking the same questions that I'm asking, but there are, and you're not alone. And these client stories are designed to show you that there are other real women out there using natural fertility resources to transform their fertility journeys, whatever they may look like. So today we're going to talk with Grace. She lives in Jackson, Tennessee. After graduating from Union University with a degree in public relations, she's working for a nonprofit as a community engagement manager, and she enjoys traveling, playing pickleball, which is so fun, and spending time with her husband. So she started working with me last year when she was coming off of birth control for health reasons. And now she is a confident Creighton user and a big advocate for it to her friends and family and community. And I know that you're going to enjoy hearing from her. Welcome to the show, Grace.
Grace:
Thanks so much for having me. I'm excited to be here.
Caitlin:
I'm excited for you to share just even just a little bit of your story. So why don't we start off with you telling us about yourself and why you first started using the Creighton system.
Grace:
Absolutely. So my husband and I got married in July of 2022. And I feel like most women, before you get married, everyone just tells you you need to get on birth control if you're not wanting to try to have kids. And right now, in our season of life, we didn't want to have kids. And so I was like, okay. And I actually looked back at an old journal of that time and had written out random thoughts, and one of them was like, I really don't want to get on birth control. And so I already knew that was something in me that I had heard the stories of hormonal birth control and really didn't want to, but also felt like if I don't, I'm going to have a kid. And not that that's the worst thing, that's obviously a gift from God, but for our season of life, that wasn't necessarily what we were wanting right away.
Grace:
And so I went to the doctor and got on like the lowest form of hormonal birth control that I could get on. And I was on that for about, I completed a year and a little bit over a year. And throughout that year I just started noticing anxiety, more anxiety in my life than was normal and more heightened emotions that I feel like caused tension between my husband and I, caused tension between even just me and myself. Like, I felt like I was constantly fighting with myself in a, in a brain battle of emotions. And I constantly felt like I was aggravated and I didn't really know it because I would start to notice things in myself, but say, oh, you know, I, that's actually fine. Or maybe something would happen and I would be like, oh, that kind of, that emotion kind of just like came out of nowhere, but like, I'm fine.
Grace:
And it wasn't until I got off of birth control and, you know, got out of my system that I noticed, like, I feel so different. And I did not know about Creighton model. I had no idea. I had never heard of it. I had only ever heard of like natural cycles and tracking your temperature and things like that. And so my husband, whenever I was getting off, and he was very supportive of that, but he was like, okay, let's, let's go to your doctor and see if there's something we can be doing so that we don't have kids right now. And so I went to the doctor and the, the doctor I was currently going to that prescribed me birth control, I made an appointment with her and I ended up going, her last name was the same as another doctor at the clinic that I go to.
Grace:
And I ended up getting with that doctor a male, and I had never been to him before. And he actually introduced me to Creighton model. Wow. And he said, I I think you would like this, you should, you know, research it, and then you can contact the fertility care center and maybe start meeting with someone. You would have to do an introductory session. So I'm like, okay, let's go research. I actually cried in his office because I just felt so lost and alone and scared. I, I really felt scared and I didn't know what was going to happen, but also trusted the Lord's sovereignty in that. But it was still like, okay, if I can have some control though, I would like that. And so research Creighton model, the rest is history from there, I feel like. But, yeah, I feel like I have just learned so much about myself and my health and even just my faith throughout all of this. So that's a little bit of my story.
Caitlin:
Yeah, I love that. It wasn't even intentional. It's not like you knew about Creighton and you wanted to use it, it just, the Lord brought it to you and you were very willing to get started. I love that you said you ran home and started looking it up and pursuing it and, and now then you began using the Creighton system. So sometimes people come in with certain expectations of what it's going to be like, but obviously you did not have those. Or, or maybe you did and I don't know, but you know, you didn't know what it was, you didn't know what it was going to be like. So was there anything about it that surprised you, like, about the experience or maybe was unexpected once you started getting into Creighton?
Grace:
I think for me, I, I always knew, like obviously as a woman, you know, you're having cervical mucus. I didn't know it was called that first of all. Yeah. But second of all, I didn't know that that was like a normal thing for every woman to experience. Sometimes it would make me feel like, am I the only one experiencing this right now? And so I feel like coming into Creighton, obviously I didn't know a thing of it and what it was, what it tracked, any of that. It just became a habit in my life. Like, it, it wasn't even something that was like, oh, I'm having to redo every single thing to do this. It was just no, this, this flowed right into who I am, and now it's just a part of what I do and how I go throughout my day, you know? So I think that was really surprising for me was the ease of putting it into my life.
Caitlin:
Man, I love to hear that as a practitioner who's teaching women how to do that. That's like, my favorite answer is, oh, it's easier than I thought it was going to be. So that's
Grace:
Great. Yes.
Caitlin:
So you got involved in Creighton, you began incorporating it into your life and it had an effect. It helped you avoid pregnancy. What was the outcome? What was the experience once you were actually using it?
Grace:
I feel like this is something I can't stop talking about to people. Like, I want to tell all my friends about it and say, you need to go see my friend Caitlin, because this'll change your life. I, it we have avoided pregnancy, so we've, I've been doing this for a little bit over a year now, and that's still our intention right now is to avoid pregnancy. And so we've done that successfully through Creighton model. But even still just learning more about my cycle. And I never really knew if I had a regular cycle or what that even looked like, or even just guessing, okay, when is my period going to come? I, I didn't know. And so just being able to learn those things in my life and implement that has been great for me because also I am someone that's a planner. And so just being able to know like, oh wow, like, this is all making sense.
Caitlin:
Yes, everything falling into place and you can see happening on the chart, you know, what's going on when yeah, that is irreplaceable, that means so much on a practical level to be able to use it. So that's good. What about how you're feeling, you said that when you were on birth control, you had a lot of anxiety, you had a lot of emotions that you didn't experience. Has that improved since being off of birth control?
Grace:
It has drastically improved. I literally look at that season of life and feel like I'm night and day different. I, I'm just a different person. And, and the hardest part was I didn't know that I wasn't myself while on birth control. Like, I, I, again, I, I justified things and felt like, oh, that was normal. Like, that was a stressful situation. So I'm going to react like that. And obviously being off birth control, you're still going to have stressful situations. You're still going to react about things that maybe you didn't want to react in that way. But I feel like most of the time I'm able to really react how I want to react and feel the way I want to feel. And, and I've always been a really joyful person and I felt like yes, there were very happy things that happened in that. And it was also my first year of marriage, which is already a big transition. That's true. And so sometimes I felt like I was robbing my husband from, from the joy that I could give because I wasn't being myself and just feel like looking over now, I'm like, he's even noticed a huge difference in me and been like, wow. I, I, we didn't know, you know, it was something that you really don't notice until you're out of it and you look back and see, oh wow, I've been changed, and I never want to go back there.
Caitlin:
Yes. I'm so glad that it's been a freeing experience for you and that you can feel more like yourself, have that joy again. Because, you know, you want to be able to live into who you are as a person and who God created you to be. And yes, we have emotions. Those are good things. But you know, earlier you were talking about control and we, you wanted a sense of control as far as family planning, but I'm also thinking about how that control relates to being able to control your emotions and your reactions to things and have that from a genuine place of yourself instead of something that feels totally out of control. You had no control over if you were angry with your husband or you felt like you were overreacting to different situations and whatever that may look like. So I'm so glad that's been a really changed experience for you. That's good.
Grace:
You and me both.
Caitlin:
You mentioned at the start that it's been very helpful in your faith journey or transformative in your faith journey. I'm not exactly sure how you phrased it, but you mentioned your faith. I would love to hear a little bit about how that's played a role for you.
Grace:
Yes, absolutely. I want to commend you because you have, I feel like God has used you and the gifts that he's given you to speak truth about how he created family, how he created our bodies, how he created health, how he created marriage, and those are all things the enemy wants to steal, kill and destroy. And we know in God's word, he comes to give life abundantly in John 10 10. And so I, I just feel like with using the Creighton model, it has drastically grown my faith in even just asking God. Like this was something I was praying about, like, Lord, what can I be doing? And he showed me this tool, and through this tool I've gotten to experience his goodness because I, not that I was afraid to talk to the Lord about these things, but it, it honestly just opened my horizons of, wow, the Lord is in this and he wants to be in this with me and with my husband.
Grace:
And whenever the journey does come for children, he wants to be in that journey as well. And it, it just opened my eyes to say, you can invite him in. And, and again, not that I didn't not know that before, but it, it just was a aha. Like, we, we can invite him into this. And even with my husband, you, you invite him in so it doesn't just feel like it's all on you. And then you guys are praying about this together. And so that's been at least the case for me and my husband. But I feel like with my faith, just learning God is over everything. And no matter what was to happen, he's, he's always going to be over it and a sovereign. And even as we look at what's happening in our natural cycle that he has given us, we're able to rejoice and praise him.
Caitlin:
Yes. And one of the things that really speaks to me is how we live in this time or context, however you want to phrase it, that puts all the pressure on us to determine our families. And when we understand that as you're saying, God is a part of this, God wants to work with us, it takes the pressure off of us, it still matters. We still have a say God and his goodness still allows us to contribute to whether or not we have children in that particular moment. But it's not on us alone. And that is actually a freeing thing. It feels initially like it's kind of terrifying, but actually it is a huge relief to know that it is not just up to us whether or not a human soul is created, you know, that there is a sovereign loving God who is determining that with us as a family. So, I'm so glad to hear that. And thank you for those words.
Grace:
And the fact he gave us signs to understand in our bodies when we could potentially create a life. You know, it's like he knew from the beginning of time they're going to need to know this stuff. And so it just baffles me that I'm like, how do, how have I gone all these years in my life and never known these things? And so yeah. It's, it makes me so grateful to now know.
Caitlin:
Yeah. I really think sometimes, I mean, I've been teaching this for going on eight years and I still find it to be wild sometimes that what, exactly what you just said, that from the beginning of time it was built into our bodies as women to be able to understand when we're fertile and when we're infertile now, it took us centuries to figure it out scientifically to know it for sure. But we live in a time where we do know it. We have access to that information. And that is, thank you Lord, for putting us in this.
Grace:
I praise God for that. Praise God.
Caitlin:
So if you could share with others, or even go back and share with yourself, I mean, whichever speaks to you more, you just said that, you know, you never knew this. What would you tell others? What do you wish other women would know about this?
Grace:
Well, I wish all women would do this practice in general. But I feel like going to your doctor and asking about what options are there, because I didn't know. My mom didn't know. Yeah. And there, there's a vast majority of things you could be doing. And so understanding that. But I, I've got a friend that is about to get married and she's been doing her research. She knows she does not want to get on hormonal birth control. And I felt, I felt like bringing up what I've been going through over the last year and she started doing her own research and she said, I've never heard of this. And like I've been researching every single day. And it's something that has really like, drawn an interest to her and she feels like this would be so great for me and my husband and is something I think we want to walk through. And so even just knowing, I told her like, I wish someone would've told me that when I was looking. And so I think for listeners who are here today who are practicing the Creighton model, tell your friends. Like, this is an opportunity to invite others in and say, God has moved in this through me and I want to share this with you because I think that's a huge place, is people's actual raw experiences with this. And telling other people because then they tell their friends who tell their friends and it just keeps going.
Caitlin:
And that really does speak to community because , you may go to a physician who doesn't know about Creighton or doesn't have the most updated evidence and research about fertility awareness methods. And so, you know, you want to learn more, you have options. You can talk to friends, you can certainly contact us at Woven Natural Fertility Care to learn more. Grace, thank you so much for being on the show and sharing a little bit of your story.
Grace:
Thanks so much for having me. It's been a blast.
Caitlin:
One thing I love about Grace's story is that she knew that there was something that wasn't right. And so she went out looking for the solution for it. She didn't know what it was going to be, but the Lord met her there and provided for her that desperate hope that she had, that there was an alternative. God met her and God provided. And I see that happen over and over and over again when we invite God into our fertility journeys. So like we said earlier, if you'd like to learn more about the Creighton model system like Grace did, then we always have upcoming introductory sessions that you can attend online. So be sure to click the link in the show notes to see all of our upcoming dates and how you can join us there. We can change so much in our own menstrual health when we have the knowledge and resources that we need. That's our goal and our hope here at Woven Well is to provide you with some of those resources. And I hope that today has been helpful in that process. As always, thanks for listening. As we continue to explore together what it means to be woven well.